Kobayashi Maru
by Eirenei
Summary: Danzo is known as an obsessed war hawk, who wants to change Konoha into militaristic superpower. But even he, as cold and heartless as he is, had his own Kobayashi Maru, his own total defeat… It's slash - don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

_KOBAYASHI MARU_

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_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own_ Harry Potter_ or _Naruto_ or it's characters – I'm just amusing myself and my poor brain with what-if scenarios. Boo-yah.

_**Summary:**_ Danzo is known as an obsessed war hawk, who wants to change Konoha into militaristic superpower. But even he, as cold and heartless as he is, had his own Kobayashi Maru, his own total defeat…

_**Shout Out:**_ Really, Danzo needs some lovin'. He may seem to be a total bastard, but he has a honor and didn't betray Konoha. Besides, I was tired of pairing Harry with all the pretty boys…_/Shrugs/ _So, enjoy!

_**Warnings:**_ Slash, pairing boy/boy, or **_Danzo/Harry,_** read if you want and if you are sure. Shameless twisting of timelines and happenings, making this little basket of jewels **AU universe.** Believe it!

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_**1) No-Win**_

Danzo never did like no-win scenarios, and the one his sensei suggested, was exactly that.

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_**2) Darkness**_

Hiruzen was light, while he, Danzo, was darkness. He was a tree soaking the sun's warmth, and Danzo was roots, condemned to eternal darkness.

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_**3) Volunteering**_

Danzo never quite forgave Hiruzen for volunteering first on that fateful mission.

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_**4) Massacre**_

Even when he was asleep, he dreamt of the massacre of his village.

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_**5) Soldier**_

First and foremost, every ninja was a soldier. It didn't matter whether the said ninja was a cannon fodder or Kage, they were soldiers in service of their village.

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_**6) Similar**_

Even if he didn't want to admit it to anyone, Danzo was scarily similar to Orochimaru

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_**7) Again**_

He gritted his teeth as he was – once again – forced to listen to Hiruzen's haggling of a sweet talk with foreign diplomats. If it were Danzo, the negotiations would be already done and gone over with – and sealed in blood of his opponents.

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_**8) Old**_

Sometimes, he felt older than his true age – positively ancient. He had seen and experienced too much, and yet, the drum beat of war still echoed in his ears. To tell the truth… it was annoying.

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_**9) Fop**_

He stormed in his headquarters, cursing to himself violently. That old monkey surely had a death wish to proclaim the yellow-haired _fop_ as his successor!

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_**10) Megalomaniac**_

He had cautioned Sandaime, time and time again, about Orochimaru's…_megalomaniac_ tendencies. But noo, the old monkey sack didn't listen. Danzo rubbed his temple, irritated. He just felt his hair graying already.

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_**11) Secret**_

ROOT was a secret. Hiruzen may have disbanded it officially, but to anyone with a brain, such a thing to do was illogical, what with Konoha being weakened from the third shinobi war.

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_**12) Fools**_

He seethed as his offer about eliminating the Kumo bastards was discarded as yesterday's news. Proud,_ idiotic_ fools, the lot of them.

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_**13) Chickens**_

Even if he seemed to be in cahoots with civilian side of the council, he abhorred the squawking chickens as they were.

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_**14) Love-Hate**_

He loved and hated Konoha. The place was as much as his home as was his battlefield he was trying to conquer for almost all of his life.

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_**15) Jinchuuriki**_

Once again, he was denied. This time, it was Kyuubi Jinchuuriki. If Danzo were a lesser man, he would cry with frustration at the unfairness of it all. Instead of that, he would bide his time, and… wait.

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_**16) Savior**_

He looked at his savior, dumbfounded. It was a teen, clothed in strange clothes – and the one who literally demolished the would-be assassins.

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_**17) Secret II  
**_

He was Danzo's secret. And for some reason, Danzo couldn't bring himself to drop the man into ROOT's training program, no matter how tempting the thought was. And even when he was at work, his mind lingered at the mental picture of those green eyes.

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_**18) Baffled**_

Sandaime was baffled. For some reason, he expected Danzo to be more persistent in pursuit after little Naruto. And for some reason, Danzo – and ROOT – laid low.

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_**19) Green**_

He was there when the eyes of his savior opened. And it felt as if he were sucker-punched in his gut and his heart, as he looked into those confused green orbs.

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_**20) Sense**_

Luckily, the boy knew their language. Unluckily, his story, as it was, didn't make a sense. The baffling thing was, Danzo was inclined to believe his… guest.

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_**21) Attempt**_

Danzo attempted, once again, to gain the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki for his forces. However, no one noticed just how half-hearted his attempt really was.

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_**22) Kittens**_

His guest was… strange, Danzo supposed. On one side, he was a hardened warrior, who had seen untold terrors, and on the other side, he was a veritable bleeding heart that loved to play with kittens.

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_**23) Privates**_

Harry stormed into Danzo's office; ROOT guards discreetly removed themselves from their positions. "And just what were you thinking," Harry began dangerously "Assigning me a bodyguard to follow me into the toilet and commenting on _my privates!_" He ended in a low growl. Danzo cringed. Maybe having emotionless drones wasn't such a great idea, after all.

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_**24) Scars**_

Danzo, like any shinobi worth their money, had scars. But he still gaped at the youth's body as Harry shyly joined him in the private onsen. Damn, but Harry could give Ibiki a run for his money.

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_**25) Bastard**_

Danzo, Harry discovered, was one stern, anal-retentive bastard who lived solely for causing Harry trouble and heart attacks. Now he could sympathize with professor Snape very, very well.

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_**26) Adoration**_

The ROOT members adored Harry. They would wait for him hand and foot, if Danzo hadn't forbidden it. No matter – they still managed to sneak past the war hawk's radar… Sometimes.

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_**27) Kobayashi Maru**_

One of Danzo's favorite pastimes, when he wasn't leading ROOT, was playing strategic games. Right now, he was staring at the floor board stricken, his eyes wide with fear and helplessness. "And that," Harry smiled at him sadly,"Is _Kobayashi Maru_."

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_**28) Strays**_

Harry had a penchant for adopting strays, be it animal or human ones. Still, Danzo almost had a heart attack when he found out that two of those… strays were Uchiha Shisui and Uchiha Itachi.

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_**29) Family**_

Nobody knew how or when, but ROOT slowly became a family. True, they were weird, dysfunctional to the extreme and most of the members were screwed in their heads – cough _Sai _cough – but regardless of that, they were family.

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_**30) Prank**_

"_HARRY!"_ An outraged roar came out of Danzo's office, making the ROOT ANBU shake with suppressed mirth. It seemed that Harry redecorated the plain room again - this time with hot pink walls and lime green polka dots.

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_**31) Mistletoe**_

Harry didn't intend to introduce ROOT to that infernal weed, called mistletoe. Really, he didn't. But somehow, when he was wrapped in strong embrace and having kissed the living daylight out of him, courtesy of normally austere ROOT leader, he couldn't bring himself to mind much.

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_**32) Smoking**_

Sarutobi blinked at his old friend – turned nemesis – suspiciously. Lately, Danzo was unusually springy for such an old guy. "Just what have you been smoking, and where can I get some?"

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_**33) Kitsune**_

For living almost full-time underground, the ROOT members surprisingly didn't mind. That mirror charm/jutsu sure was useful. Now, if only they were safe from that Kitsune chibi…

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_**34) Dating**_

"Dating" was singularly most baffling occurrence in both of their lives. Both of them had little to no experience with hat kind of mating dance around each other and in the end, they decided to just wing it. The end result was one of the most unusual – and occasionally terrifying – courtships in Konoha.

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_**35) Snakes**_

Anko couldn't help but gape incredulously as the green eyed bastard hissed at her snakes – and what was more, those damned glorified worms_ obeyed_ him!

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_**36) Crash**_

Laughing as he ran, Naruto didn't see a civilian on his path. And so, he crashed into the slender teen, bowling both of them into the ground. The next thing he knew, Naruto was torn away from the nice-smelling person and suspended in the air by one of those masked men, while the other two of them helped still a little dizzy Harry up. Naruto shivered at the looks the apparent bodyguards of that person gave him.

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_**37) Parents**_

If anyone asked who was their parents, Shisui and Itachi would say the names of their respective biological parents. However, in truth, the ones they considered as their true parents were Harry, and surprisingly, Danzo.

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_**38) Empty**_

One day, Itachi came to the den, as they jokingly named ROOT headquarters with empty look in his eyes. Danzo had to restrain Harry from going off and massacre the foolish idiots that intended to make a coup d'état. In that moment, Danzo was thankful he had discarded his dreams about world domination. Furious Harry was a scary Harry.

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_**39) Summon**_

Harry glared at the purple snake. "Which part of _'no'_ you don't understand?" He asked the snake, his green eyes furious. Manda held back a wince. The Speaker was not inclined to be benevolent at the moment, especially when he found out just what was Manda doing… and the payment about the deeds done. Manda gulped. It was time to grovel.

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_**40) Mess**_

Sarutobi closed his eyes, tired and confused. "T hose are indeed bad news," he muttered out wearily. He sighed. Opening his eyes, he looked at the grim-faced Danzo "What do you suggest we do?" Danzo grimaced. "Your mess, you solve it." He told the gaping monkey bluntly. Really, he was too old to held Hiruzen's hand right now.

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_**41) Chibi**_

Harry sighed. The chibi followed him persistently. No matter what he did, shortly of using his… special abilities, the chibi found him and followed him. He still remembered how Danzo got the shock of his life, finding the chibi curled on their bed. The old adage was apparently true. Feed the stray once, and it will follow you everywhere. Especially if this stray is the one certain Kitsune chibi, named Naruto.

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_**42) Guitar**_

When Harry first played on his guitar, they were entranced. And since then, there didn't pass an evening that one of the ROOT members wouldn't find the green eyed man and wheedle him into playing the instrument.

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_**43) Dead**_

Itachi and Shisui Uchiha were dead. This halted any plans for coup the Uchiha clan may have, as they were mourning two of their brightest and best shinobi. But Itachi and Shisui, members of ROOT and honorary sons of Harry and Danzo, were very much alive.

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_**44) Himera**_

The execution of the traitors in the Uchiha clan was swift and quiet. One day, the clan was smaller for a third, and nobody knew why. Project _Himera_ was successful, mainly because of the participation of ROOT ANBU and some hard negotiations, done by Danzo himself. The outside masses didn't know anything about the near-miss they experienced. And the Uchihas didn't tell.

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_**45) Bonk**_

Casually, Danzo bonked the two squabbling advisors on their heads. When he was aware of what he had done, and in the middle of council meeting, he blinked. "Um. Oops?" He offered, unrepentantly. The shinobi half stifled their sniggers, while the civilians goggled at the usually implacable ROOT leader. _'Harry… You are a very bad influence on me…' _Danzo grimaced inwardly. But he wouldn't change his life for anything. He stood up and presented his solution, hiding his smile carefully.

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_**46) Wonderland**_

For such an old man, Danzo's body had surprisingly youthful appearance. Sure, the skin sagged a little, and Danzo may not be at the peak of his strength, but Harry was fascinated with the coiled, sturdy muscled and wide, warm expansion of Danzo's skin. The dark man shuddered slightly as his youthful lover explored his body lazily, driving him into pleasurable madness.

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_**47) Pocky**_

Whoever dared to mess with Itachi's beloved sweet, suffered terribly. But whoever dared to mess with _Harry's _pocky… their lives were forfeit. Or at least their pride, as they were subjected victims to cruel, unusual, and inventive pranks that made Naruto's ones look amateurish. Who do you think introduced Itachi to the sweet, beautiful wonder that was pocky?

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**_48) Holiday_**

The words that Danzo should never, _ever _speak got the whole Konoha army forces in uproar and one Hiruzen Sarutobi into depths of despair. Simply enough, Danzo had marched into Sandaime's office and announced: "I want a holiday." Harry was in hysterics for days after that, along with Itachi and Shisui.

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_**49) Hair**_

Usually, Danzo sheared off the excess amount of hair, just because it would be impractical to have long hair. But after seeing Harry longingly looking at his picture, where he had shoulder length hair, he let it grow out. And of course, Harry's fascination with his longer hair never failed to amuse him… along with the very relaxing scalp massages.

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_**50) Fury**_

When Harry was annoyed, Danzo could bear it. But the ROOT leader prayed that he would never, _ever_ be recipient of Harry's fury. The Toad Sanin was a charred, dirty, smelly, and miserable excuse for a human right now. It served him right, Danzo thought vindictively. Especially because the said toad pervert dared to perv on Harry when the said young man was relaxing in the onsen.

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_**51) Adoption**_

Naruto couldn't be adopted. But that didn't mean he couldn't be helped, and the green eyed man Naruto called Midori-nii, helped him greatly. And it was fun to have two elder brothers, too – Ita-nii and Shi-nii were just awesome!

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_**52) Ring**_

Danzo, they noted, had changed. Oh, it wasn't anything big – he was still stern, shrewd old fox, but to those that knew him, Danzo positively flourished. His hair was longer, and his face less gaunt. His skin was also healthier than before. But the biggest change was an unobtrusive ring on his ring finger.

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_**53) Adorable**_

Danzo wouldn't say it even on the pain of his life, but Harry and Naruto sleeping together; with the Kitsune chibi burrowed into Harry's chest was simply adorable.

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_**54) Thunderous**_

Finding out that Harry was kidnapped, Itachi and Shisui were furious. But that was nothing while comparing with Danzo; the old war hawk's face was positively thunderous.

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_**55) Salt**_

Harry kissed of the salty tracks on the withered cheeks, as he embraced the man. Once again, Danzo had his old nightmare – but now, the nightmare was darker, and Danzo saw his lover dying.

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_**56) Blue**_

For some reason, their favorite color was blue. For Danzo, it was the color of water and for Harry; it was the color of sky. But most of all, blue was the color of freedom.

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_**57) Love**_

They loved; not with words, but with touches and looks and caresses - they loved with supporting each other, as they bantered or argued with each other, they loved in the dark of the night and light of the day, even if they were hidden from other people. They held onto each other, one more moment, one more day, just once more – and it was enough, and yet, it was too little.

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_**58) Approach**_

When Itachi and Shisui shyly approached their parents, admitting that they were in love with each other, Danzo and Harry shrugged and gave the pair their blessings. They knew it was coming for a long time, after all…

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_**59) Mizuki**_

The first, second and last mistake Mizuki did, was that he approached the class _dobe_ for stealing the Forbidden Scroll. Not only Naruto had headed straight to Midori-nii to ask him about the assignment – it smelled fishy, after all – he found out not only Naruto, but Harry and Danzo waiting for him.

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_**60) Wonderwall**_

It was Danzo's favorite song – guitar and Harry's voice crooning in his ears softly. Listening to the song, he thought back on the days when he was alone and in darkness. Now, he was still in darkness, still the Darkness of Shinobi, but he had his light, his Harry, his family, no matter how unorthodox it may seem to be. And he would endeavor to keep it, come Hell and high water.

**_/To be continued./_**


	2. Chapter 2

_KOBAYASHI MARU  
_

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_**Dis**__**claimer:**_ I don't own neither Naruto or Harry Potter, nor the characters. I only own this little story.

_**Shout Out:**_ By popular demand, Kobayashi Maru is back. As for making the snippets into the story, I will do it someday, if I will have time and inspiration. I already should've worked on my other stories, so **_Kobayashi Maru_** will be on the backburner for some time. _/Cringes/_ Yes, it's evil - yes, I am a supreme meanie of the universe, but I can't help it.

_**Warnings:**_ Slash –_**Danzo/Harry,**_ with addition of _**Itachi/Shisui. Au-verse**_ _/yawn_/ Onward to the reading.

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_**61) Chaos **_

For the time of Danzo's…absence, Konoha was in chaos. Nobody even knew just how much work Danzo was doing – running ROOT, being on the council, working as Hokage's personal advisor… if Sarutobi thought his workload was hard, then Danzo's was positively staggering. Sobbing at his misfortune, the old Kage swore to himself to raise Danzo's pay… and workload.

_Especially_ workload.

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_**62) Jealously**_

Danzo felt strange pang in his throat as he watched Harry being seduced by some rich, sexy and good-looking young man. Lowering his head, he quietly compared himself to the beautiful man and found himself wanting.

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_**63) Claimed**_

Harry glared at the gloating idiot in front of him. His… admirer… may be a paragon of maleness, but in that moment, Harry wanted nothing more than smash the idiot's pretty face into the wall and go back to Danzo.

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_**64) Faithful**_

"Danzo, you _idiot_," Harry's sharp voice rang into the darkened room. "Did you see the inscription on your ring?" Mutely, Danzo nodded, his face sulky. "I'll tell you what it means," Harry continued, green eyes blazing as he approached his stubborn lover. "It's inscribed in Latin, one of the old languages of my country. _'Semper Fi'_. This was a motto of soldiers everywhere, particularly ones in the elite squadrons. And do you know what it means?" Harry's voice became softer. "Always faithful." Danzo blinked. A moment later, dark eyes widened and Danzo grabbed Harry into a crushing hug, giving him the most possessive kiss to date.

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_**65) Change**_

Harry stared at Naruto's clothes, horrorstruck. The orange monstrosity was blindingly bright, reminding him of Ron's _Chudley Cannons_-themed room something terrible. Then, he grabbed the brat by the scruff of his jacket and hauled him back to his room. Itachi smirked. "Told ya so." The ROOT ANBU just groaned and paid up.

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_**66) Lube**_

"And just _why,_" Danzo began dangerously, making his two surrogate sons wince, "did you feel the need to use _OUR_ lube?" Itachi and Shisui looked at each other, shamefaced. "Because it was at hand?" Shisui squeaked out. Danzo groaned. Such was the price of having a pair of sex fiends in the house. "Next time, use your own," he ordered. "And you will buy a new one to compensate for the loss." Not that it mattered; the trouble would be If the troublesome duo found out Danzo's and Harry's secret stash of special toys.

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_**67) Candid**_

"Is that a ring on your finger, Danzo?" Koharu asked, leaning forward eagerly. Danzo sipped a bit of his tea. " Why yes, it is," he agreed candidly. The councilwoman's eyes widened. "A – Are you married!" she squeaked out, bringing them into attention of the whole council. Danzo grinned. "Didn't you know?" He began innocently. "And I just got back from the honeymoon."

The proverbial bomb was dropped.

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_**68) Wife**_

"Are you saying I am a_ wife _in our relationship?" Harry growled out dangerously, as he heard out the whole shebang. Danzo smirked. "I just told them that I was married," he pointed out. "I didn't say I had a wife – that was their own conclusion." The excuse didn't save Danzo from thorough bottoming that night.

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_**69) Rumor**_

"How the fuck did the old bastard manage to marry, anyway?" Izumo pondered aloud. "He's old as dirt, couldn't get it up if his life depended on it and he's ugly as death…" He looked at Kotetsu, who paled progressively with the each accusation Izumo spouted. "… and he's standing right behind me, ain't he?" Izumo muttered, gulping. "Kotetsu nodded slowly."

…."Oh,_ fuck_."

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_**70) S-class**_

Danzo's marriage was unofficially official secret of Konoha. Sorta like Kyuubi's_… whereabouts._ You knew about it, but you didn't speak about it, for fear of your life and sanity.

_Especially _your sanity.

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_**71) Felicitations**_

Sarutobi stared at his old colleague mutely. Since the announcement, his mental faculties suffered a massive crash down. "So… You are married," He stated slowly. "Yes," Danzo nodded, dark eyes sparkling. "In a manner of speaking." Sarutobi blinked. "In a manner of – "He choked as the implication of the five little words dawned on him. Danzo smirked. "What? No congratulations?" He asked innocently.

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_**72) Wanna**_

Pouting, Naruto stomped into the den. "Papa! Father!" he called out, as he banged at the door of the onsen. He knew better than to barge in, after all. His innocent – yeah, right – brains already suffered enough. "I wanna join ROOT!" Two pairs of eyes looked at each other in astonishment.

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_**73) Late**_

Kakashi Hatake was late. Again. But this time, his eyes locked onto the slender, pretty form of a green-eyed man who was chatting with Naruto. Smiling lecherously, he thought that being late indeed had benefits.

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_**74) Pursuit**_

Since that day, Harry was relentlessly pursued by the one-eyed pervert. Not even Harry being married stopped Kakashi – but Harry's two adopted sons sure did.

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_**75) Fangirl**_

Kurenai was known as Ice Queen of Konoha. But what nobody knew, she was also a closet fangirl of yaoi action between two hot men. And seeing Danzo and Harry was too much for the porn-deprived Genjutsu mistress, landing her straight into ninth yaoi heaven and into hospital for a week from blood loss via nose.

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_**76) Curious**_

Iruka, as anybody else, was curious of Danzo's… sweetheart. Anko knew – or at least she claimed so. Iruka didn't believe the snake mistress. He sighed. "You know, I would be greatly reassured if I could meet his wife," he remarked to his… partner. Green eyes looked at him curiously. "Why? Danzo married, and that is that." Iruka pouted. "I'm just curious about the person that managed to catch the old war hawk's heart," he grumbled out. "Is that a crime? " Naruto snickered into his bowl. Harry groaned, cuffing the blond's head gently. "Besides, you are looking at him right now." Naruto continued, his fox-like grin unrepentant.

Iruka's eyes widened, and then, he fainted.

Truly, curiosity killed the cat...but satisfaction brought it back.

Iruka blushed for a week.

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_**77) Tora**_

Tora the hellcat, Tora the bane of Genin teams of Konoha of all times, was cuddling into the green eyed man's arm and purring loudly, enjoying the man's sole attention on her being. She would ditch her mistress for this fine example of feline heaven any day. Naruto only glared at the unrepentant feline, his cheeks scratched and his once clean clothes muddy and in disarray. "Can I kill it? Pretty please? I promise I will burn her carcass in the four winds and I will pay for the protection seals too." He begged, big, puppy dog eyes filled with murderous intent against the nightmare of a cat he had caught just five minutes ago.

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_**78) Stalkers**_

Konoha wasn't known only for its shinobi, as good as they may have been, and bloodlines… but there were a deep dark secrets dwelling in its bowels.

Stalkers.

Harry wanted to groan. Somehow, he acquired quite a following, led by one Yamanaka Ino – and he still didn't know just ow did they acquire the pictures of him in shower.

Somewhere, Itachi and Shisui counted the money from the risqué pictures they took of their father, grinning widely.

Oh _yeah, _camera was_ the_ best invention since pocky.

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_**79) C-rank**_

Harry nearly had a heart attach when he found out that the innocent c-ranked mission changed into B and escalated further into A-rank mission. Just what was that straw-stuffed baka thinking?

Fortunately, Naruto was trained more than adequately for those sorts of scenarios – Harry had a hunch and insisted that Naruto had to be run through different battle scenarios, excluding the _Kobayashi Maru._

Still, Harry was itching to throttle the stupid cyclopean idiot something terrible.

* * *

_**80) Rival**_

Uchiha Sasuke was a prized horse in the Konoha arena, so to speak. But no shinobi, worthy of their name, could elevate their abilities without a rival. And unfortunately, Naruto was exactly that… even if blonde outclassed Sasuke in every arena, excluding Genjutsu.

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_**81) Nito-Ryu**_

Itachi was sparring with Harry, and losing badly. Swordsmanship wasn't his best point, and the Uchiha genius knew that. However, he could still outclass Konoha's sword master, Gekkou Hayato, but Harry was a whole different kettle of fish. If compared with Gekkou, Harry was a God of swordsmanship. Even with a Sharingan activated, Itachi could barely defend himself, while Harry was dancing his lethal dance, a blade in each of his hands glittering ominously in the light.

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_**82) Sex Ed**_

One of things that Harry really, really didn't want to do, was explaining birds and bees to the oblivious blonde.

With Naruto, it was just bound to be embarrassing, but with Sai added in the mix, it was bound to be _mortifying._

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_**83) Coffee**_

None of the pair was able to function properly without of black ambrosia of the gods that was coffee. And woe to anyone who would dare to take their paws to the duo's private stash – Danzo and Harry would have no mercy.

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_**84) Missing**_

Sometimes, Harry missed his old world. Sometimes, he was homesick about his old homeland, the castle and the lake – Hell, even Forbidden Forest! But whenever thought that, he also thought about Danzo, and he wouldn't trade his new world for anything in the world.

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_**85) Crush**_

Harry stifled his laughter as he watched the shy Hyuuga heiress following his oblivious blonde son into the forest.

Ah, to be young again…

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_**86) Anniversary**_

They celebrated their anniversary quietly – a private evening, with good food and wine, followed with the exquisite lovemaking.

And Danzo gifted Harry with a necklace with a black opal as a pendant.

Harry smiled, touched by the thoughtful gift, And the pendant ever changing colors reminded him of Danzo's eyes.

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_**87) Alpha**_

Tsume blinked as her dog whined as it carefully approached the slender man in black and green kimono. He companion was literally groveling at the feet of this stranger, and it made her uneasy.

The strange man was a powerful – and not only that, he was a powerful Alpha.

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_**88) Kobayashi Maru II**_

Shikaku stared. And stared some more. This was... a nightmare. Even if it was only a potential situation, it would haunt him till the end of his life. Whoever invented that, he wouldn't want them to come into contact with Ibiki. The interrogator was scary enough at his own, but with that…_Kobayashi Maru…_ the possibilities were too horrifying to contemplate.

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_**89) Mourning**_

One day in year, Harry was mourning. Or better, honoring the fallen. Danto knew about his habit and respected it. However, one particular silver-haired Jounin decided to make himself an exception… and he paid dearly.

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_**90) Angels**_

"_May angels lead you in,  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go,  
May angels lead you in…"_

He gently strummed his guitar, as his melancholy voice wound around them all, gently lulling them into its spell. They listened to the last verses in solemn silence. Burying comrades was always hard but with Harry there, it was a little bit easier to bear the pain of guilt and separation. Tora was one of the oldest in ROOT, and many respected the man for his kindness and dedication. Harry sighed, as he shook his head slowly. Danzo's palm reassuringly squeezed his right arm, making his heart warm at the knowledge that he could lean on someone, when the things went wrong. Quietly, Naruto's head burrowed into his side, as Harry stroked the golden locks, caught in memories.

_**/To be continued/**_


	3. Chapter 3

_KOBAYASHI MARU _

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_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own neither _Harry Potter_ nor _Naruto_ – I own only the OOC quirks of the characters and the story.

**_Shout Out:_** Alright, people, there's the third part of the Kobayashi Maru drabbles. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed the story, made it your favorite or just plain put an alert on it. This is for you, so enjoy!

_**Warning:**_ Slash: **_Danzo/Harry, Shisui/Itachi, _**onesided _**Kakashi/Harry**_

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_**91) Helix**_

Project _Helix _was known to almost none on the council, including Hokage. However, there were inquires about the strange new affinities emerging from Konoha forces.

* * *

_**92) Surprise**_

Much to Kakashi's surprise, the academy reports on his cute little Genins were a pure bullshit. Uchiha was cold and in avenger mindset for some reason, pinky was a hardcore fan girl, and the whiskers was the only one to be remotely aware what being ninja entailed.

* * *

_**93) Infamous**_

Most famous ninjas were well-documented in that Bingo book of theirs. However, there were rumors of a person, called Kobayashi Maru. The frustrating thing was, they knew nothing. No rank, no name, no specialties, no description, nothing! It was like chasing a ghost…

* * *

_**94) Grace**_

For someone so clumsy, Itachi pondered, Harry was surprisingly graceful, if only on a battlefield.

* * *

_**95) Absent**_

When Harry was absent, ROOT was hiding in their little hidey-holes. Danzo was a nigh insufferable son of a bitch those days, and even Hokage cowered in front of the grumpy, unhappy and miserable man. The only one, who was brave – or suicidal enough to approach him, was Naruto.

* * *

_**96) Young**_

"Hokage-sama, this is my spouse, Harry." Danzo introduced his mysterious partner to the aged man. The first thing Hiruzen had, was that Harry was awfully young for someone with so much battle experience.

* * *

_**97) Parseltongue**_

Even if Harry regularly spoke with his scaly friends slash protectors, courtesy of Manda, it never failed to spook his official human guards. Parseltongue was just creepy like that.

* * *

_**98) Redhead**_

For some reason, Harry had aversion to female redheads. Male ones were fine, but female redheads, he avoided in a huge curve whenever possible. Danzo got a kick out of it, though, much to Harry's pouting.

* * *

_**99) Awareness**_

The little Kitsune chibi never did manage to ambush his Midori-nii, no matter what he tried. The green eyed teen was simply too aware of his surroundings to fall in the little chibi's traps.

* * *

_**100) Sugar rush**_

Harry stared at the three boys, horrified. Manianical glitter in their eyes, check - inhumanly fast gibberish that constituted for a speech – check, bouncing off the walls – check. Itachi looked up, and grabbed one more stick of pocky, before he was ambushed by Shisui and Naruto. Carefully, Harry began to edge away from the trio, when he bumped into Danzo. "Harry, what - ?" Danzo began, confused, before Harry's hand slapped on his mouth. _"Shhh!" _Harry hissed fiercely. "They managed to find my emergency stash of sweets…" He gulped. Danzo's eyes widened. "The extra sweet one?" He inquired, his voice quivering with barely held back terror. Harry nodded solemnly. Danzo bit back a groan. "Let's hightail out of there," he muttered, massaging his temple. He already bemoaned the paperwork the three sugar-rush idiots would cause him to make.

Last time they got overdose on sugar, they painted Hyuuga's complex neon pink, and ANBU still didn't know just how it was done. Along with that, Hyuuga's had to wear neon green spandex for a week, because their clothes mysteriously… vanished.

Gai had been _ecstatic_.

Hiashi Hyuuga was _not._

_

* * *

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_**101) Puppy**_

One day, Harry had found a wounded white dog pup. He was on his way from buying groceries, when a miserable whine caught his attention. And on that day, he also got a new stalker, named Inuzuka Kiba.

Kiba still resented being called puppy. However, he allowed Harry to call him that. Anyone else was punished swiftly.

* * *

_**102) Stubborn**_

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, irritated. The Kitsune chibi was persistent, he gave him that, but following him everywhere, even into onsen when he wished to have some private time with his lover, was sheer stubbornness, and Harry wondered just_ why_ he had to pick, if not idiotic, a suicidal stalkers.

* * *

_**103) Addition**_

Harry looked at the shy boy/girl dryly. Danto was elsewhere, talking with Zabuza. Apparently, Naruto got in habit of picking up strays, just like his Papa. However, Harry still didn't expect he would bring back home human strays. Animal ones, Harry could bear with. Human ones were…_.different_. He smiled at Haku, who blushed a healthy blush. "Welcome home, Haku." As soon as he spoke the words, he was almost bowled over with the force of hug Haku bestowed on him.

* * *

_**104) Interrogation**_

Cold green eyes looked at the smug prisoner. This one was too stubborn to listen to the reason, and the trouble was, they were forbidden to… harm him.

"It's your last chance." Harry murmured out, his voice a cold sleet of frozen silk. "You can tell us what we want to know, and nothing harmful would happen to you. But if you want to persist in your foolish course of action…" Harry leaned on the wall nonchalantly.

"Let's just say you wouldn't like the consequences."

The prisoner scoffed. "You have nothing on me, besides, if you harm me, it would cause an international accident and do you really want to have a war on your hands?" An arrogant sneer found its place on the man's face. "Try it, I dare you."

Harry pushed himself away from the wall. "As you wish." He replied, coldly. _"Cruccio!"_

Three minutes later, the man was sobbing with anguish as he confessed his crimes.

Ibiki stared.

Harry was one ruthless son of a bitch, and right now, Ibiki was feeling extremely lucky that Harry was on their side.

* * *

_**105) Haunted**_

When Harry came back from interrogation, his eyes were haunted, the memories of the war still dancing behind his eyelids.

Danto took one glance on him, before Harry was enveloped into a strong hug that was bordering on a painful one.

Gulping a bitter feeling down his throat, he at least felt a little cleaner…even if he just tortured a man half an hour before.

* * *

_**106) Rape**_

Inoichi knew he had done a colossal mistake, the moment he materialized himself in Harry's mindscape.

In his greed, curiosity and idiotic feeling of superiority, he invaded Harry's mind, just because he wanted to…what?

Instead of that, he found himself on a black field – black and red field, filled with corpses and blood and deadly silence.

It was even worse than the aftermath of Kyuubi's attack, feeling the death and despair of the place as is they were living breathing things.

He heard a screech, and just before the sharp white teeth of some predator clamped on him, he was whisked away.

Blinking stupidly, he winced at the pain in his head.

"Well?" He looked into those cold, green diamonds that constituted for Harry's eyes. "Are you happy now?" Harry seethed out, making Inoichi cringe. "Was your little trip worth it?"

Inoichi gulped. "I'm …sorry." An uncomfortable silence stretched between two males. "You know," Harry began slowly. "Where I came from, what you just did constitutes as a rape." Inoichi winced. "I - I didn't know…" He defended his actions feebly. A sharp grin on Harry's face told him that the green eyed male didn't believe it. _"Really?"_ He cooed his voice a mixture of curiosity and disdain. "Then you wouldn't object if I do it for you….After all, fair is fair, no?"

Inoichi shuddered.

* * *

_**107) Retribution**_

Inoichi's actions were not swept under the rug, so to speak. The civilian elders lost their guards, and despite their complaints, Danzo refused to assign any of his ROOT to the blasted idiots that harmed his Harry – even if Inoichi apologized profusely for his actions. Also, the shinobi council was not very happy with the Yamanaka clan leader – especially Hokage and Ibiki. Ibiki even offered his services to Harry – and that was saying much, seeing that Inoichi was Ibiki's teacher in the art of interrogation. Anko just set the snakes in Inoichi's garden. Not that anyone could accuse her of that, but the summons were still here, scaring Ino and Inoichi's wife away.

Inoichi learned a valuable lesson.

And he also had a new fear.

* * *

_**108) Spar**_

When Zabuza foud out that Harry was a master of _Nito-ryu_ style, he stalked and begged and wheedled the green eyed man – he wasn't so dumb to kidnap him and demand a spar. After a time, Harry complied, and Itachi finally had a laugh that someone other than him was a proverbial floor rag for Harry's sword skills.

* * *

_**109) Medic**_

Haku was happily learning all about healing, but Harry's potions still fascinated him the most. True, some of them he couldn't do, because they demanded an innate magical core to work, but those who he could, he perfected to the degree they were on a par, or even better than Harry's.

* * *

_**110) Training**_

Naruto stared, incredulous. Kakashi was a joke of a sensei. The straw-stuffed baka was for some reason, focused on Sasuke, while he, and the pink-furred banshee, called Sakura, were left behind. _Again._

"Sasuke-kun…" Sakura drooled at the perfection that was the Uchiha heir. Naruto winced. How on earth had he chased after her in Academy, it would remain a mystery. He sighed. "Sakura, we have to train – ""Shut up!" Sakura screeched at him, making Naruto wince at the volume of her voice.

The blonde finally had had enough. "_Fine,_ you pink banshee. But next time, don't expect of me to drag your ass out of trouble." Sakura opened her mouth to deny, but a sharp glare from those blue eyes stopped her.

"I'm outta there," Naruto announced, and a moment later, he Shinsuined away, making Sakura gape, Kakashi blink and Sasuke grit his teeth in anger.

* * *

_**111) Enough**_

Sasuke had enough of that pink blob who called herself the next Mrs. Uchiha. The girl was totally useless, making him and Naruto – since when Sasuke called him that? – protect her, and risk their own skin and limb because of her incompetence. But now, Naruto was. away, and Sasuke didn't like it!

Slowly exhaling, he looked at her shiny, big, cow eyes. "Haruno, I've had _enough_." He growled out, his Sharingan activation in his sheer frustration with the girl.

Kakashi blinked as the killing intent of his dark-haired student rose sharply.

It seemed that Sasuke finally reached the end of this particular rope, called patience.

* * *

_**112) Jealously**_

Dark eyes looked at the smiling blonde, as he chatted with that ice-freak happily. It wasn't fair! It should have been him there, him talking happily with his Naruto – him, and no one else!

On the branch above him, two ROOT ANBU stifled their snickers. Sasuke was just too cute in his cluelessness!

Hmm… Maybe they would give him a push? One of them nodded, an impish smirk concealed by the mask.

Sasuke yelped as he was pushed off the branch he had been crouching on, catching the attention of the pair.

Blue eyes widened. "_Teme_… Are you _stalking _me?" Naruto asked, dangerously.

Dark eyes glittered with mirth as they watched Sasuke stutter through his… reason.

'_Good luck… Otouto.'_

_

* * *

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_**113) Temptation**_

Dark eyes looked at the vial with the blood. If he took this vial, he would be able to control _Mokuton,_ the bloodline of the Senju clan. He would conquer –

He shook his head, blinking. Yes, he would…

_But was having that cursed bloodline worth loosing Harry?_

_

* * *

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_**114) Stalk**_

Naruto shivered. Lately, the foxy blonde was increasingly paranoid, much to the amusement of his older brothers.

_Here! No, there! _

A hand twitched after kunai.

Blonde eyebrows scrunched with consternation, as blue eyes closed for a moment, before they opened, revealing furious blue orbs._ "WILL YOU STOP STALKING ME ALREADY, TEME!" _

A roar echoed through the village, freezing all who heard it.

* * *

_**115) Rival**_

Zabuza stared at the enthusiastic, spandex-green clad… _thing,_ horrified. "_No."_ he told the hopeful rival flatly. "Just… _No."_ The_ thing_ pouted. "But why not?" He exclaimed, caterpillar eyebrows wiggling suggestively. "You would be a great rival, what with the stamina you have!" The former Mist-nin edged away from the enthusiastic shinobi carefully. "Besides, Gai-sensei approves of you – "

This was the moment when Zabuza decided that proving his courage was not worth of losing his common sense and hightailed out, his self-proclaimed youthful rival on his heels.

* * *

_**116) Fate**_

Haku twitched. He was tired of that Hyuuga fatalist yapping about fate. Fate this, fate that – "It was a fate that decided you will be my girlfriend," one Hyuuga Neji proclaimed solemnly. Usually gentle and mellow spirited, Haku was right now feeling anything but.

"You are fated to be gay?" He asked Neji bluntly. Opal eyes widened. "Wha – No!" Neji sputtered his face perfect mix between shock and disgust.

Haku smirked. "Well, my fate is that I am a man," He declared. "Good day, Hyuuga-san." He stalked away from the gawping guppy that was Hyuuga genius.

"Then why do you frequent the female half of the onsen?"

Oh, Neji just _had_ to ask that, didn't he?

Haku's body stiffened. Thin, glittering senbon needles appeared between his fingers, glinting in the sunlight maliciously.

"_Omae… O… Korosu!"_ Haku hissed out, before jumping at the Hyuuga genius, intent on demolishing the fool.

An hour later, Neji was found in the hospital, more reminiscent of a human porcupine than anything else.

* * *

_**117) Picture**_

Sai liked to paint. He specialized in ink animals that could be animated and sent against the enemy. But when Harry gifted him with a book of magical beasts, he was positively thrilled.

Shisui was not. Especially when one of those… Blast-Ended Skrewts set his pants on fire, when he mistook one for a chair and sat on it.

Sai had to hide for a month. And Naruto had pictures as a blackmail material.

* * *

_**118) Birthday**_

Danzo never did like to celebrate his birthday. He went as far as to erase all records of it. However, he was still pleasantly surprised, when he found Harry on their bed, with his arms cuffed together, and a large red bow on his privates – but having nothing else on his body.

Licking his lips, he stalked to his lover, delighting in a minute shiver that ran through that delicious body he would soon debauch with pleasure.

* * *

_**119) Refuse**_

Kakashi, no matter how hard he tried, couldn't persuade his ninken to sniff out his love.

"Leave him alone," Pakkun told him firmly. Kakashi blinked. "But why?" He asked, clueless. "Surely you could – "

Pakkun hissed. Not growled, but _hissed._ "Try to summon anyone of us to sniff Harry out, and your summoning contract will be terminated… _Period."_

Kakashi could only gape as Pakkun dismissed himself, leaving only a poof of smoke where he stood.

* * *

_**120) Buchou**_

Tenzo was calm, collected individual. A good ninja with a solid understanding of a world around him. Still, Harry baffled him – the man was a mass of contradictions; one moment, he could run hot, and the next one, he was colder than ice. He could be mean to the extreme, and he was also exceptionally generous.

He was also Tenzo's unofficial superior, and the pseudo-Mokuton carrier couldn't be happier for having such a good captain.

**_/To be continued/_**


	4. Chapter 4

_KOBAYASHI MARU _

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_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own_ Naruto_ or _Harry Potter_ – I only own the characters' quirks and the story as such.

_**Shout Out:**_ Wow, you guys are really into this story, huh? Thank you for your comments, and I am happy you find this story exciting. I apologize for grammar or spelling mistakes; as it is, I am doubling both as a writer and beta for my stories, and sometimes, this comes back to bite me in proverbial butt. As for why there is one word before drabble - it's a cornerstone of drabble, really. For instance, if my keyword for drabble is romance, then you can expect something in that context written – romance, romantic or something. That will be all, folks.

_**Warning:**_ Slash: _**Danzo/Harry, Shisui/Itachi**_, onesided _**Kakashi/Harry**_

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_**121) Lullaby**_

When Naruto was still small, he often fell asleep to the sound of lullaby that Midori-nii was muttering into his hair.

* * *

_**122) Denied**_

Naruto stared at the Hokage, his face shocked. "But – "He tried to refute the decision. Hiruzen eyed the whiskered blonde sternly. "You aren't off from Team 7, and that is final. However," He added hastily, seeing the mutinous face of the blonde maverick," You can be shuffled to the other team, if, and I mean if, you make it to Chuunin."

Naruto groaned. "_That_, old man, is an unfair gamble," he grumbled out, peeved. Hiruzen only chuckled, amused at blond's predicament.

* * *

_**123) Drum**_

"_Hear the beat of horses' hooves; they beat the drum of war…"_

Harry muttered to himself, green eyes clouded with thoughts. Itachi looked at his mentor inquiringly. "Harry?" He prodded the man, dark eyes troubled. Green eyes looked into his. "For some reason, "Harry began slowly, "I have a bad feeling."

Itachi's heart clenched.

"War?" he asked, his throat clogged with fear and anxiety."

Harry nodded slowly.

"War." He confirmed solemnly.

* * *

_**124) Stars**_

Whenever he could, Harry was watching the stars – oftentimes with his strays in a tow.

* * *

_**125) Occlumency**_

Harry sighed. Teaching Naruto Occlumency was a pain in the ass, and he could sympathize with Snape. But finding out that blond housed the nine-tailed fox threw Harry in for a loop.

_Furry little problem,_ indeed.

* * *

_**126) Mutiny**_

When the civilian half of council demanded additional ANBU for their safety, ANBU refused. The ROOT division of ANBU almost came to mutiny over the issue, until Hokage himself turned down the greedy idiots.

Haruno Setsuna was not happy camper. Shinobi clans, on other hand, were more than satisfied.

* * *

_**127) Siesta**_

Kakashi blinked. There was something very wrong with the picture. "Is he_ sleeping?_" He pointed at the snoozing blonde incredulously. Sasuke shrugged. "Hn. He told me to tell you not to wake him out, as he was having siesta, whatever that is."

"But he's only sleeping!" Kakashi protested his visible eye wide.

"Shut up and lemme sleep, perv." Naruto mumbled out. "I was tired of waiting on you, so it's only fair you let me rest."

* * *

_**128) Ramen**_

Harry stared. And stared. And stared. "How on earth can he eat so much?" he asked Iruka, his voice hushed with astonishment. Iruka shrugged helplessly. "I think his stomach is a miniature black hole…Ramen approved one."

Harry sighed. "Agreed." Silently, he swore to himself to get the chibi to eat different food – if that continued, he would be penniless in less than a month.

* * *

_**129) Intimidating**_

Even if Harry was smaller and seemingly frail, he cut a damn good intimidating figure in his basilisk leather robes and two swords on his back.

* * *

_**130) Troublesome**_

"Troublesome," Shikamaru sighed. Was there no decent opponent to play _shogi _against?

A shadow fell over him, making the young Nara heir look up.

"May I try?" The green-eyed man proposed a small smile on his lips.

* * *

_**131) Teach**_

Harry sighed. For some reason, he was roped in teaching Naruto the art of pranking. Curse the day the Kitsune chibi found out his pranking supplies… The only one good thing out of this mess was, that Harry was exempted from whatever mess Naruto got his unfortunate victim – er, _helpers,_ into.

* * *

_**132) Sunset**_

"Hey. Still watching sunset?" Came a voice behind his back. Itachi sighed, as he contentedly leaned into the warm embrace. A small quirk of his lips and warmth in dark eyes betrayed his relaxed state. "Well, it is a sight worth watching. By the way, want to watch meteor shower with me?"

Shisui smiled at his lover. "Ever the romantic," He teased Itachi, only to receive a swift punch in the arm for his efforts.

* * *

_**133) Protector**_

Zabuza glared at the scurrying scum that dared to talk up obviously uncomfortable Haku.

The bad thing was, Haku was too pretty for his own good. But the worse thing was, they still thought Haku to be a girl… and Haku really didn't correct their misconceptions, for all the trouble that he had gotten in because of that.

At least Zabuza was there to protect the gentle teen.

* * *

_**134) Tomato**_

Harry glared. The chibi Uchiha glared. The tension was rising… and the shop keeper already motioned to evacuate the building.

Oh, there will be blood…. And all of it because both of them wanted the last, and juiciest, tomato.

* * *

_**135) Body**_

"If I said you have a pretty body, would you hold it against me?" Kakashi asked, his patented eye-smile trained on the uninterested green eyed man.

Harry twitched. "If you want to be dead, stuffed with straw and used as a scarecrow –sure I would." He replied dryly. "It's only shame I am allergic to scarecrows, so no deal."

Kakashi wilted.

* * *

_**136) Tattoo**_

"Oh, come on!" The whiskered blonde begged. "You have it, so why can' I get it?" He whined, his puppy dog eyes in full effect.

Harry glared at him, the black and green dragon on his back shifting subtly over his skin, the animal's eyes glittering slightly under the light of fire. "For some reason, you are a wuss, when it comes to needles." Harry smirked viciously, as Naruto paled. "And making a tattoo involves needles… hundreds and hundreds of them, piercing your skin – and you can't move, either."

Of course, Harry didn't tell Naruto that he had gotten his dragon in some of his stupider moments, when he was drunk off his ass, courtesy of dare on the twins' part. And he definitely didn't want to remember the tirade Hermione went in…. after she finished admiring the tattoo, of course.

* * *

_**137) Sleepless**_

Before he had gotten together with Danzo, the old war hawk suffered from acute insomnia, thus the almost all-time grumpiness on his part.

Now, the sleeplessness was of a more pleasurable variant – having Harry to relax with him, either in their private onsen or in their bedroom.

And the ROOT ANBU learned that process of waking up their esteemed leader was infinitely scarier than dealing with the sleepless one.

* * *

_**138) Oiroke**_

Naruto was feeling particularly vindictive today. The reason? None other than Harry. Midori-nii didn't allow him to eat ramen, and in the Kitsune chibi's books, that warranted a punishment.

A smirk curled on the whiskered child's face, as he imagined Harry's reaction to his _Oiroke _jutsu.

Hey, if it worked on Iruka-sensei, why wouldn't it on Midori-nii?

"Hey, Midori-nii, look… _Oiroke no jutsu!"_

_**POOF**_

Where the chibi stood, there was a sexy, naked, redheaded, buxom bombshell, who was stating at the green eyed man with puppy dog eyes.

"Midori-_kuun…"_ The vision of loveliness cooed at the horrified Harry, as she sashayed sexily to him.

Naruto didn't know what hit him.

Harry had bound and gagged him before he could say Kai, and if Itachi hadn't came along, the chibi would be exposed to the wonders of… _Bat Bogey Hex_

Luckily, Itachi cancelled the jutsu, but that meant, in addition of having no ramen for a week, Naruto would get no ramen, and definitely no pocky, for a _month._

Naruto learned that his _Oiroke_ was totally useless on men who abhorred the sexual advances of female gender.

* * *

_**139) Valentine**_

For_ some_ reason, Shinobi villages celebrated Valentine's Day. And of course, Harry abhorred that particular celebration, because it meant that his fan club would, once again, hound him everywhere.

He strode away from the admiring teenage girls that thought they had a chance with him. Besides, he had better things to do than listen to their mooning over him, anyway.

He entered the council room. He had agreed to take over for Tori, as the man wanted to surprise his sweetheart.

What he didn't expect, was for Danzo calling him forward, and give him a bouquet of orange roses and a small box.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Harry." The man said to him, dark eyes warm.

Suffice to say, the council was in an uproar, but they were the ones that demanded to see Danzo's esteemed spouse, weren't they?

Nevertheless to say, half of the civilian council was admitted into hospital because of heart attacks, and Shinobi half didn't know whether to make appointment with Yamanaka to get rid of the disturbing scene or just to submit to the insanity.

Harry still wanted to punish Danzo for his reckless move, though.

* * *

_**140) Overprotective**_

Sasuke somehow – read: with generous help of Itachi and Shisui – managed to convince Naruto that he was NOT a stalker, and _yes_, he would like to know him better.

The things went smoothly, if only for avoiding the yaoi fanclub of Konoha, led by Hinata and Ino – but now, he was in front of Naruto's unofficial parents, and he could only gulp.

Damn, Danzo was intimidating, to be sure. However, Sasuke had a niggling feeling that the gently smiling green eyed man beside the stern ROOT leader was the true force to be reckoned with.

**_/To be Continued/_**


	5. Chapter 5

_KOBAYASHI MARU  
_

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_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own_ Naruto_ or _Harry Potter_ – I only own the characters' quirks and the story as such.

_**Shout Out:**_ Woah _/is taken aback/._ I don't know what to say, except thank you! Now, Tenzo is still an ANBU – but let's just say he was sent to ROOT on an assignment, and after some time, he decided to stay there. You decide, if it's permanent, or not. Tenzo could be drafted into ROOT entirely, or remain there as a loan from Hokage, or just plain one of Harry's strays – as if he isn't already (mumbles). Onward on the reading.

_**Warning:**_ Slash: _**Danzo/Harry, Shisui/Itachi**_, onesided _**Kakashi/Harry, **_mentions of homophobia and generous _**Sakura bashing.**_

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**_141) Fashion_**

Harry stared. And stared again. For being shinobi, most of them were garbed into really weird clothes – too tight, too revealing, too… _colorful,_ some were reminiscent of potato sacks…

He sighed. Well, he couldn't say anything, as his own sense of fashion, wearing battle robes was just as weird… even if they didn't hinder him in battle.

* * *

**_142) Announcement_**

Since that fateful announcement of Harry being Danzo's …_ spouse_, for lack of better word, yaoi club members recruited for one fifth more members, Harry got twice as much proposals and come-ons, Danzo ingested three times more of calming draught, and Itachi and Shisui's profits jumped up by five hundred percents.

* * *

**_143) Sky_**

Occasionally, Harry looked at the sky longingly, missing the wind in his hair and the whistling of the air as he made some or another crazy maneuver on his broom.

Danzo, on the other side, was just happy he was with both of his feet firmly on the ground.

Besides, he really didn't like the thought of being high in the air, with nothing under him to support him.

* * *

**_144) Broken_**

"And you wouldn't believe it, Harry, such a kind young man, being married to that old war hawk!" An old lady tittered to her friend excitedly.

Kakashi stood still as a stone. In that moment, his heart was broken into hundred, thousand tiny little pieces.

* * *

_**145) Howl**_

Once upon a full blue moon, there echoed a howl in the depth of Forbidden Forest. The howl chilled anyone who heard it, to their very bones.

Inside their compound, the Inuzuka clan members barely fought the urge to get out and bare their throats to the one who was calling mournfully under the cold blue moonlight.

* * *

_**146) Frigid**_

Anko's eyes veritably bulged out of her sockets when she heard that Harry was married to Danzo. "A – Are you _sure?_" She choked out, coughing slightly as a small bit of dango went the wrong pipe. Kurenai beamed. Beamed – and that, for an Ice Queen like her meant that gossip was, for once, a truth. "Yup!" She nodded, red eyes twinkling. "And they are _so cuute…_" Anko sweatdropped. Kurenai and her yaoi heaven… and the men were wondering just why she was such a frigid bitch…

* * *

_**147) Cooties**_

Naruto stuck his tongue out childishly. "Ewe, you got a boy cooties," He pouted, making Harry choke on his spit and Iruka fairly roared with laughter over unfortunate civilian's plight.

Harry narrowed his watery eyes. "Just you wait, _gaki_…. Just. You. _Wait._" He mumbled to himself.

Naruto felt a chill of foreboding skitter up his spine.

Oh, hell… the Marauder was back.

* * *

_**148) Dauntless**_

Harry stared into big red eyes of Naruto's_ furry little problem_ motionlessly. "Why aren't you afraid?" The gravelly voice of the beast growled out. "How can you stand there, in front of me and not be terrified out of your puny little mind?"

Even Naruto, Kyuubi reminisced, was scared shitless when he first saw him.

But not this…_ human._

* * *

**_149) Homophobic_**

Sakura stared at Naruto's … niisan, disgusted. She couldn't believe when she heard Harry was… batting for the home team, so to speak. "And why are you here, fag?" she sneered at the man, making the other three members of Team 7 stiffen.

Harry eyed her lazily. "And what does me taking it up my arse having to do with anything?" He asked dryly.

The pinkette's face turned an ugly red color. "It's _unnatural_. You are unnatural! You are a_ freak -_ !" Harry stiffened at the last word, making Naruto growl, and Sasuke and Kakashi glare angrily at the idiotic bitch.

"Haruno…" Harry began slowly, his voice dangerously quiet. "Because you are a naïve imbecile, who doesn't know better, I will forgive you… this time. But I warn you now, the world is wide, and squawking your biased opinions to everyone would bring you neither respect nor appreciation of your peers. As a kunoichi, you should known the rule 'underneath of underneath' well enough to recognize that gender is just a superficial triviality. When you love, you love a person. You don't love their face, their eyes or their quirks – you love entire being, with their good and bad sides. Life is too short for me to be concerned with other people's thoughts on who I should or shouldn't love. So until you don't know any better, shut your trap and keep your opinions on that and any related matters to yourself. Am I understood?"

Sakura gulped. Suddenly, she felt very small in front of this… civilian.

But… was he even a civilian?

The rest of Team 7 meeting, she was silent, much to her team mates' relief.

* * *

_**150) Assasin**_

It happened faster than anyone could react.

One minute, they were talking, laughing and teasing, and the next, a shadow attacked Harry.

_CLANG_

Luckily, Harry had fast enough reflexes to deflect the kunai, before vanishing and the next thing they knew, was a red light and assassin falling to the ground, stiff as a board.

Harry eyed the assassin calmly, as if that was an everyday occurrence.

"Well, lookie what the cat brought in," he stated in the grave silence, before the noise exploded around him.

* * *

_**151) Konohamaru**_

Naruto had one disciple – Hokage's grandson, Konohamaru.

The kid was bright, but he was still stupid.

And in his stupidity, he decided to catch Naruto's Midori-nii, as a proof he was better than the foxy blonde.

Right now, he was hiding in the bushes, watching the man go through the sequence of movements, the silvers of two swords glinting in the sun.

"Wow…"

He breathed out, just before the man vanished – and the next thing he knew he was dangling in the air, held by a scruff of his jacket.

Harry exhaled a long-suffering sigh. "Another one…" He muttered to himself grumpily. "Oh, _joy."_

_

* * *

_

**_152) Animals_**

Harry glared. "Get out." He growled, his patience at the end of the rope.

They blinked. Harry glared harder. "Just who gave you a bright idea to occupy my room, and even better, my bed, to… _fuck like an animals!"_ He roared out, green eyes blazing in fury.

"Geez, just because you don't get some as often than magnificent me… you just had to be so ornery to point out that." Shishio answered, a leer on his face.

Harry's eyebrow twitched. Was it _too much_ to ask for the ANBU idiots to refrain from use of his room for… illicit affairs?

He sighed.

Apparently so.

* * *

_**153) Bugging**_

Harry twitched. It was the particular twitch he had when Rita Skeeter was tailing him. He twitched again.

"Shino… Would you stop bugging me already?" He asked exasperatedly, as he looked at the captured bug.

Harry could swear – honest to God, that bug blushed fire engine red.

* * *

**_154) Nominate_**

When Harry found out about Kakashi nominating Team 7 for Chunin exams, he hit the roof.

It was a common sight in ROOT ANBU quarters, to see a big silver-furred wolf with a bandanna over his right eye, staring pathetically at Harry, who was studiously ignoring him and muttering something about stuffing a particular wolf with straw and then gifting it to Hokage for a souvenir.

* * *

_**155) Twiddling**_

Hinata gulped. She looked at the stern man who was ordering the ANBU hesitantly "U – Um, sir?" She ventured timidly.

Dark eyes zeroed on her. "Yes?" The man answered his voice gruff." "C – Can I please speak with Midori-sama?" She asked, twiddling her thumbs nervously.

Danzo sighed. "Come with me." He ordered briskly. "And for God's sake, stop twiddling!" He admonished her, making her wince slightly.

Well… Apparently, he too could pick up strays… even if they went to Harry first.

* * *

_**156) Meditate**_

Harry 's habit of medidtation lifted many eyebrows at first. But when he began teaching the hyper, concstantly on the sugar high blonde nuisance, the results soon spoke for themselves. It wasn't very long when Haku joined the duo.

Not long after that, the ROOT members began to beg Harry to teach them too.

* * *

**_157) Kobayashi Maru III_**

Harry stared at the shaken blonde calmly. It wasn't very often that Naruto's confidence was out of whack, but right then, Naruto's confidence wasn't only broken, but ruined into ground.

For a moment, he doubted his decision, of introducing the blonde to that particular scenario, but he didn't have a choice.

Naruto, curious little kit he was, stuck his nose into something too big for him to swallow this time.

Naruto, on the other hand, had a new goal in his life: Become the Hokage AND beat the _Kobayashi Maru!_

* * *

**_158) Masochistic_**

Neji stared at his…_ future lover_ intently.

That dark hair, gentle brown eyes, slender physique tangled in the small clouds and smooth skin gleaming in perspiration.

"_You,_ kid...Are _peeping_ on Haku." A gruff voice behind him made Hyuuga prodigy stiffen with dread.

He turned around slowly.

Dark eyes stared into opalescent ones murderously.

"Did you ever think about being a masochist for hire?" Zabuza asked sweetly, before he grabbed Neji's hair and throwing him into the woman's share of the onsen.

The resulting shrieks and sounds of beating made the tall man smirk.

"Thought so." He rumbled out, before ambling to the showers. It wouldn't do to be caught on the incriminating place himself, would it?

* * *

_**159) Tracking**_

Sasuke twitched. Naruto evaded him again! That was becoming ridiculous. He tracked his wayward team mate more than he trained – well, he _DID _become a better tracker for that, and he even discovered some fan girl proof places, but what Sasuke really, really wanted at that moment, was to have the blonde here. And the pinky horror far, far away from him.

* * *

**_160) Again_**

Temari couldn't believe it. Gaara took off in a full sprint, without a reason – he could at least used his sand to teleport him away - but for some reason, he was too excited to do so.

Jade eyes glowing excitedly, Gaara barged through the streets toward that familiar feeling –

_Peace. Safety. Reassurance. Love._

In that moment, he didn't give a damn about meeting his father.

All he cared about, was a warm hug from his Harry-nii.

* * *

_**/To be Continued/**_


	6. Chapter 6

_KOBAYASHI MARU _

_

* * *

_

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own_ Naruto_ or _Harry Potter_ – I only own the characters' quirks and the story as such.

_**Shout Out:**_ Well, there you go - another part of _**Kobayashi Maru.**_ As for Kakashi having his better half, I don't know who to pair him with, so I am open to suggestions. The story is reaching its' climax soon, and if you are a die-hard fan of series, this will be total AU from now on (as if it haven't been until now /snorts/) As for updating, it may not be so regular, because exams are dogging my brains… again. So I apologize in advance, and thank you for the support. You are all really awesome!

_**Warning:**_ Slash: _**Danzo/Harry, Shisui/Itachi**_, onesided _**Kakashi/Harry, **_and generous _**Sakura bashing. **_Andmention of makeup – I mean, war paint. _(Cough)_ Anyway, onward on the reading.

* * *

_**161) Youth**_

Harry listened to Gai's rants about power of youth half-heartedly. In fact, he amused himself with counting the number of times Gai used the 'youth' word.

His last count was… in five minutes, Gai used that word – which Harry began to despise terribly – no less than hundred times.

* * *

_**162) Glare**_

If they thought that Sharingan was terrifying, they didn't see Harry's glare. In fact, Harry's glare was, - ranking in a Konoha Shinobi Anonymous pool - ranked zero – even more terrifying than Mangekyo Sharingan, and _that_ was saying something.

* * *

_**163) Make up**_

Kankuro pouted. He didn't find his war paint, and his reserves were empty – ahem, Temari stole his last complet, as to pretty herself up for some Uzumaki guy.

Luckily, he found another case. When he grabbed it, a small white dog growled at him.

»Hey!« That's my case!« The feral-looking guy howled, fangs glinting in the sun.

_'Oh, no…'_ Kankuro suppressed his desire to make the dog-boy his personal puppet. »No, it's mine! I saw it first!« He retorted, dark eyes glinting with determination.

And the tug war was on.

Nobody noticed a shadow behind them.

»_**Ki-ba**_…« Hana, Kiba's sister drawled out sweetly. »That wouldn't happen to be _MY _make up case, would it?«

Kiba gulped.

»Eep?« He offered meekly.

She snarled, white fangs glinting in the sun.

The next second, both of the unfortunate users of make-up – ahem war paint, were streaking throught the village, screaming bloody murder, with furious Hana behind them.

* * *

_**164) Coffee**_

If there was any vice both Harry and Ibiki shamelessly indulged, besides their talks, was piping hot, black coffee with no sugar added.

_**165) Found **_

Harry was in middle of talks with grocer, when a red blur knocked into him. "Oof!" He choked up, gasping for breath, as his hands automatically embraced the trembling Suna Genin. "Steady, my little spitfire. I won't go anywhere right now," he muttered into the boy's red hair affectionately.

The vendor just sweatdropped, while women squealed at the cuteness of the scene.

* * *

_**166) Dumpling**_

Nobody knew, but the _Last Chip No Jutsu _was based on Harry's food. Once, Harry was cooking for his strays - ROOT ANBU moaned and groaned about it, by the way, until Harry became exasperated and kicked them out of his kitchen.

When Chouji tasted Harry's food for the first time, he was moved to tears, so delicious it was. However, when one of the ANBU moved to eat the last dumpling, he was flattened by a chubby – never say _fat _– child who snatched the dumpling out of his hand and quickly gobbled it up.

The _Last Chip No Jutsu_ was therefore ranked as an unofficial S-class jutsu, right along with Naruto's pervert weeder, Oiroke

* * *

_**167) Alone**_

Baki sweatdropped. Usually a good unit, his Genin team was now nowhere to be seen. Temari was doing who-knows-what – Baki didn't want to know, he wanted to preserve his health and sanity, thank you very much – Kankuro was heard hollering as he ran from the furious Inuzuka heiress, and the last one Gaara – He blinked as a proverbial bulb lit on his head. Didn't Midori-san live in that village now?

He sighed. "They grow up _so fast_," he moaned out, tear tracks on his weathered skin glittering with anime tears.

* * *

_**168) Convert**_

Harry blinked as he saw the flyer landing on top of his head. "What the…?" he muttered. His eyed widened when he found out what exactly was written on the flyer.

Apparently the Chunin exams will be very…memorable, what with Kurenai and Anko trying to convert the next generation of kunoichi to yaoi-ism.

He shuddered. Jade eyes blinked up at him innocently. "Harry-nii, what is yaoi?" Gaara asked him cutely.

Harry yelped, hurriedly balled the flyer into a small ball and threw it far, far away.

It seemed, he gulped, that he would once again, have to explain… facts of life to innocent mind.

He really, really didn't sign up for that.

* * *

_**169) Music**_

One of Harry's rare joys in life, was music.

But what he really didn't expect, was for one foul-mouther kunoichi practically begging him to teach her his… jutsu.

Harry sighed, wearily. "Tayuya, for the last time, there are no jutsus!"

The Oto kunoichi blinked. "The fuck are not!" She retorted, hot head as she was. "Nobody could fucking play like that and not have a god-damned jutsu for that!"

* * *

_**170) Jealously**_

Naruto watched sourly as the red haired upstard snuggled into Harry's side contentedly. His cheeks puffed up with anger. That was _his _place! How dare that – that stinky _racoon _claim it for himself!

The imaginary kitsune ears were laying low as he growled cutely, Kyuubi agreeing whole heartedly with his host.

* * *

_**171) Silent**_

When the night fall down, and they finally had a time for themselves, Danzo smiled at the green-eyed man tenderly.

Harry motioned him to be silent, and then, he lead him onto the flat roof, which was teeming with green grass and fragrant roses. Dark eyes widened, and Danzo couldn't supress a gasp at the beauty of the small garden.

Harry smiled at him. "I warded it so no one will bother us," he explained, his voice hushed. "It's a place for us."

Danzo hugged his lover, as tear slid down one weathered cheek.

They stood in the garden, embracing silently, just listening to the beat of their hearts.

* * *

_**172) Peacock**_

Naruto looked balefully as Sasuke announced to all of the Genius that this…_ entrance_ was a bull.

His fist itched to be bonked on the stupid teme's head. Didn't that stupid peacock knew that this particular genjutsu was here to weed out the failures, or was he just to dumb to perceive strategic thinking?

When he saw Sasuke looking at him from the corner of one dark eye, he sweatdropped.

_Dumb it was, then._

Groaning silently, he trudged through the door, not acknowledging the bewildered Uchiha.

* * *

_**173) Woes**_

At first, it was funny, watching Sasuke's woes regarding the blonde kitsune. But right now, it was painful to watch. Itachi and Shisui sighed in unison. Sasuke was doing everything he shouldn't have to… woo Naruto, and they were sick and tired of correcting his mistakes.

Shisui grimaced. "I quit." He announced with a sour voice. He looked at equally sour-faced Itachi. "Wanna help me raid for Harry's apple pie?" He asked. Itachi immediately perked up. "What are we waiting for, then? Let's go!"

And the pair jumped away, their masks wet with saliva at the tought of Harry's magnificient apple pie.

* * *

_**174) Retard**_

Sakura looked at herself in the mirror. Her best pink and white dress, check – black underpants, check, her hair gleaming, glittery pink – check, her headband cutely tied around her head, check, a small amount of pink gloss on her lips, check – a pouch of kunai and shuriken – check, and black sandals – check.

She smiled, satisfied. Sasuke will be bowled over by her prettiness, guaranteed!

She flounced out, not noticing the seasoned ninjas looking at her with horrified fascination.

What kind of a ninja retard choose bright colors - much less hot pink and white - to wear on a mission, anyway?

* * *

_**175) Changed**_

Hinata glared at her brat of a sister harshly. "No." She declined, her voice firm. "And if you don't quit whining right now, " she growled out menacingly, causing the Hyuuga witnesses to gape at the changed Hinata, "I will spank you like the_ brat_ you are."

Hiashi choked with surprise. That Hinata was so…determined and full of fire. Hanabi pouted. Even if Hyuuga don't pout. "But nee-sama!" She whined.

Hinata glared at Hanabi. Usually, she would meekly back off, but that apparently wasn't the day.

Hanbi snapped her mouth shut, shuddering slightly. Hinata had changed, and Hanabi had a feeling her big sister won't be so meek against her anymore.

* * *

_**176) Ramen**_

Teuchi may just be a ramen vendor, but he was, first and foremost, a good judge of human characters. He may not be professional, like Ibiki or Inoichi, but he was still pretty accurate - or at least more accurate than his fellow peers.

And so, when the Kitsune chibi dragged in green-eyed man, chattering incessantly, while the teen listened to him indulgently, he couldn't help but like his new customer immediately.

* * *

_**178) Roses**_

Haku yelped as the roses were thrust into his face.

Of course, they were creamy color with a hint of orange at the edges, and fragrant…

He inhaled the sweet scent, smiling blissfully, before he froze.

Dark brown eyes looked up into smug opalescent ones.

But to his surprise, Neji didn't say anything, just thrust the bouquet in the surprised ice-user hands and marched away, not giving Haku a chance for protest.

And deny it as he may, Haku found out that this bouquet was a highlight of his day.

* * *

_**179) Stare**_

They stared. And stared. And stared.

Black eyes looked into jade ones, before they watered.

"Dammit, you win," Zabuza grumbled out, pouting. Gaara smirked.

All hail Gaara, the King of Stares.

* * *

_**180) Snake**_

Harry's eyes narrowed as he felt the snake summons burst in life. It could be Anko, but he doubted it. Firstly, why would she summon snakes, right in the middle of second exam, and second, the energy was all wrong.

That only left one possibility –

Orochimaru was back, and ready for revenge.

Harry's eyebrow twitched with irritation. "It seems that I will have to make…_additional_ _talks_ with Manda," he grumbled out, peeved.

Itachi shuddered at the green-eyed man foreboding tone of voice.

It seemed they will have snake meat for a long,_ long _time to eat.

* * *

**_/To be Continued/_**


	7. Chapter 7

_KOBAYASHI MARU _

* * *

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own_ Naruto_ or _Harry Potter_ – I only own the characters' quirks and the story as such.

_**Shout Out:**_ Gawd, you guys… I don't believe it, we are already at the 200th drabble! I know, this is a mega-fast update, but you just inspired me, what with your reviews and quirky comments. Thank you, again, you are great! Well, enough of my babbling. Onwards on the reading…And another tip, check the fic _**Madao**_ on the , if you want to find out the meanings of this particular word. It just called for some Naruto/Jiraiya interaction _/evil chuckles/_

_**Warning:**_ Slash: _**Danzo/Harry, Shisui/Itachi**_, some _**Kakashi bashing,**_ (like in canon) and some _**Sakura bashing. **_ Added: _**Zabuza/Iruka. **_Kakashi is still single. And again, this is not strictly chronologically correct, so I apologize in advance.

* * *

_**181) Grasshopper**_

Harry stared at the petulant blond mock-patronizingly. »Now, now, you are still young grasshopper, so this was to be expected,« He teased Naruto, whose mouth fell wide open. »So… » the blonde began dangerously. »You…_ Expected_ that? « Harry shrugged nonchalantly. »Of course I did. After all, you are greener than young grass, and I expect you will be so for a long, _long _time. «

Naruto seethed, as he threw his cards on the table, much to the amusement of the crowd. »I Quit, « He announced. »You are nigh insufferable bastard at poker, you know that?«

Harry smirked as he hogged a small hill of pocky sticks to himself, completely oblivious to Itachi's longing stares at the mentioned pocky-hill.

»I had a good teacher, « He mentioned, an amused smirk hovering on his lips.

* * *

_**182) Lightweight**_

Iruka was pissed. The fucking mummified idiot was in his way, and he did not seem to be willing to move soon. In addition, he was fed up with playing nice.

Therefore,, he simply slugged the grinning idiot in the stomach –

_»Ouff!«_ Zabuza exhaled painfully, as his body dropped on the floor like sack of potatoes.

Despite his appearance and status, Iruka was no lightweight.

Chocolate brown eyes looked at the stunned ex-Mist shinobi icily. »I recommend you to take classes on the etiquette, « The scarred man snarled out heatedly. »Where you came from, your behavior may have been excusable, but you are in Konoha now, and You. Will. Behave. Like. Konoha. Citizen. Am I understood?«

Stunned, black eyes widened with astonishment, as Zabuza nodded meekly. Iruka calmly picked up his scrolls. »Then ex_cuse_ me, I have things to do and people to see. « He straightened out and strode away, as if nothing was wrong.

Zabuza was quiet. _Too_ quiet. Anko eyed him, concerned. »Hey, bastard. You alright?« She asked him, stifling her smirk.«

The ex-Mist swordsman nodded, dazed. »I think I'm in love.« He breathed out dreamily.

Anko face vaulted.

* * *

_**183) Hickey**_

Naruto stared at Sasuke's…. _hickey._ The Uchiha Heir soon grew restless under his eyes. »What? « Sasuke grumbled out, turning away from clearly besotted… and hysterical Sakura.

Naruto was silent. »You know, » he began quietly, " If you wanted a hickey that bad, you could've just told me.«

Sasuke gaped, as the blonde Kitsune blushed ten shades of red.

Sakura growled, incensed. »Sasuke-kun would _never _like anything from you! « She said hotly, her pink-glossed lips scrunching into something that intended to resemble pout, but fell out like a grimace.

Sasuke didn't listen to her. »Sakura, shut up,« He commended her absentmindedly, as his eyes watched now fidgeting Naruto attentively.

Naruto gulped, as he saw Sasuke smirk slowly. »So give me one,« Sasuke licked his lips saucily.

_THUMP._

Sakura fainted.

* * *

_**184) Preliminaries**_

Harry stifled a laugh when Naruto tricked Kiba with some Kage Bunshins and well-placed localized stink bomb. Fondly, he remembered a duo of certain twins that would have adored the blonde menace for his pranking genius.

* * *

_**185) Faithless**_

»So he would attend too… Interesting,« A slithering voice hissed out, as the sickly yellow eyes glinted in the dim light. »Ku ku ku ku…« A shadow flinched slightly as the sick chuckle of the Otokage crescended into a crazed laughter.

A small, almost invisible crystal dropped on the floor.

_'Forgive me… Harry-san…'_ The shadow thought desperately.

But the wheels of time were already in gear, and nothing could stop them.

* * *

_**186) Lovestruck**_

Iruka twitched. No matter where he went, a tall, bandaged shadow followed him. Into the academy. To the teacher cabinet. To Sarutobi. When he went to buy _groceries._ When he lazed away at Ichiraku's. When he talked with Harry-san.

The worst thing was, the love struck fool was not attempting to be even _remotely _discreet about it – but boldly followed him like some demented version of a lovesick puppy in a human's body.

Kicking Zabuza's ass was out of the question… because man came back every time, and Iruka seriously began to regret that Konoha's code forbid killing its' own ninjas if they annoyed you to the point of homicide.

* * *

_**187) Separated**_

Naruto stared at Kakashi, hurt blue eyes watched the reassuring smile of the one-eyed idiot.

Sasuke was outwardly emotionless, but dark eyes were pained and apologetic.

»Don't bother. « Naruto interrupted Kakashi's apology. »I will find my teacher, but you fucking better teach him fair and square.« Saying that, Naruto turned around and strode away, disregarding Sasuke's feeble calls.

It felt, as if a small part of his heart crumbled into nothing… Again.

* * *

_**189) Pervert**_

Naruto stared. The Great Toad Sage, Jiraiya… was a foolish old man, who was perving on Midori-nii?

Wait…. Rewind.

Jiraiya was_ perving_ on _**Midori-nii?**_

Naruto's blood boiled.

Nobody perved on his Midori-nii and got away with that!

Deeply inhaling, he prepared himself.

»MIDORI-NII, ERO-MADAO IS PEEPING ON YOU _AGAIN!«_ He roared out, a vicious smirk on his lips.

A chorus of enraged roars echoed from the whole onsen.

It seemed that there were a couple of ANBU that were less than pleased with Jiraiya choice of target… and intended to introduce the fool to the world, called pain.

* * *

_**190) Sick**_

It was sick. Just…_ Sick._

Neji's brutal takedown of his own cousin, the gentle Hyuuga Heiress Hinata, just because Hinata refused to incapacitate him via the caged bird seal, was abominable.

Neji could bear Naruto's icy stare, but the green eyes that watched him from the stands made him shiver with terror.

It felt as if he had just pissed one person he really shouldn't have…

* * *

_**191) Table**_

Harry smirked vindictively, as the table rotated to the numbers 1 and 2. It seemed that Naruto will be able to take an ample revenge for their gentle flower.

And so what if he manipulated the fucking thing into showing the correct numbers?

He didn't support the '_Greater Good'_ theory, but he won't stand for injustice happening in front of his eyes.

* * *

_**192) Mockery**_

Shinobi watched the duel between the two kunoichi incredulously. It didn't deserve a name of catfight, and that was pretty low.

Sparkly pink and white against one yaoi-obsessed chick who could get into pink kunoichi's head….

Creepy.

And heck, yeah, even _Orochimaru_ agreed with that assessment.

Some things just shouldn't be allowed to be seen… and that was one of them.

* * *

_**193) Trust**_

Harry sighed, as he rubbed his temple. He didn't have any choice but to trust Danzo to make the best plan available.

He didn't like it, but Danzo was good strategist and knew their opponents better than Harry had.

Danzo watched Harry's weary face, holding his breath. This was… crucial.

»All right,« Harry said slowly. »I'll trust you.«

Green eyes looked into dark ones, and Danzo couldn't help but feel a burst of pride and gratitude blooming in his chest, as he strode across the room and enveloped his lover in a tight embrace.

»You won't regret it, Harry,« He promised his green-eyed lover fervently. »I'll prove it to you.«

Harry's lips managed to quirk into a small, tired smile before they were claimed into a heated kiss.

* * *

_**194) Promise**_

_»Promise you'll give hope a fighting chance…«_

Itachi hummed to himself, as he cleaned his weapons, his dark eyes thoughtful.

He knew what was coming, but he couldn't bring himself to be sour, emotionless shell of a fighting machine he had been before.

His talks with Harry helped. In fact, Harry was his hero. Itachi knew that the slender man pretending to be a civilian, was more than capable warrior and a formidable opponent on the battlefield. And yet, Harry didn't crumble, like Itachi had, but preserved, although Harry told him he himself was very nearly burned out with exhaustion and war when he came to Konoha.

And yet, he still hoped.

And that, in turn, gave Itachi himself a courage to hope.

* * *

_**195) Dream**_

Gaara twitched as he dreamed. Yes, dreamed. He was dreaming of his first encounter with Harry-nii…

A small red-haired child was watching the scared villagers blankly. He had learned not to trust them, as trusting meant he would be hurt.

But then, in the evening, when the moon was full, a man approached him.

He was one of visiting Konoha-nins, and yet, he was different. His accents, his clothes, were different.

The man was clothed in black, scaly robe and light beige cloak that was fluttering in the wind.

Green eyes looked into the jade ones, and in them, there was no fear, no disgust, even when the sand surged forward to crush the stranger into a bloody pulp.

The sand was parting, as the man strode to him, making Gaara paralyzed with fear and anxiety and pain –

And then, there was no more pain, no more voices, and to his astonishment, Gaara found himself ensconced in the warm embrace, against the scaly-looking robe, with the man humming a strange lullaby that eased him into a restful sleep.

* * *

_**196) Souvenir**_

Harry smiled as he gave the boy his scarf. It was white, and shimmering in the light breeze like a spun spider net in which were caught all the stars of sky.

»Here, « he murmured gently, as the child's eyes became big.

»Take it… something, to remember me by…«

Dark eyes looked into calm green ones.

»Will I ever see you again? « The child asked, his voice choked with tears.

Harry smiled. »The ways of life are strange enough – and I can't see why not.« He murmured.

A hand caressed the gauzy cloth softly, before it was folded back and into a small pouch that hung around the slender neck.

»I will find you again, « the stranger swore, as he looked at the stars.

* * *

_**197) Rumor**_

"_Gekkou Hayate was dead."_

Harry stopped cold as he heard the gossips.

It was only a rumor, but the green-eyed man knew better than underestimate them – because all rumors carried within a grain of truth.

Lips pressing together tightly, he swept past the yammering masses, straight to the ROOT headquarters.

It has begun.

Mourning would have to wait.

* * *

_**198) Preparations**_

The preparations were executed in the greatest secret possible. It was a shame that they couldn't involve Genins and Academy teachers, but both ANBU sections were recalled from their respective assignments quickly and discreetly, every available personnel.

The ROOT undergrounds were teeming with shinobi and kunoichi that were preparing to war. Danzo didn't like sharing his grounds too much, but with Harry assuring him that after the whole war would be over with, ROOT headquarters would be secured again, he relented.

ANBU members were surprised with their ROOT counterpart's behavior. If they thought that ROOT was still a platoon of emotionless drones, they were sorely mistaken.

They lived, talked, argued, just like any of them.

There were some near-misses on Itachi's and Shisui's parts, as some of ANBU were Uchihas, but luckily, they managed to avert the attention – and Itachi thanked the gods silently that Harry managed to bonk the need for having Sharingan activated at all times, out of his skull.

That didn't meant Harry was any less paranoid than Itachi – but at least he was less obvious about it.

* * *

_**199) Shadows**_

Shadows were his life, Harry supposed. All of his life – or most of it – Harry spent in shadows, hiding in them, before he was rudely dragged out and exposed to media as their would-be savior.

Shadows, Danzo mused, were his greatest supporters, most faithful allies and worst enemies. He was called the _Darkness of Shinobi_, and he earned his title with blood, sweat and tears.

Shadows gave him Harry, and took his humanity.

Shadows were Harry's cloak of safety as he crept through the darkness, a silent vigilante, his sword and knives quietly crying for blood of his enemies.

Shadows were silent, vengeful, grateful, oppressing and couldn't stand light, even if it was light that made them.

Shadows were what made Danzo so terrifying, before Harry came into his life. Shadows carried secrets, protected secrets and killed the traitors who thought they could get away with their foolish shenanigans.

They could walk in the light of the day, but their true home would always be shadows.

* * *

_**200)D-Day**_

It was there. The second round of the tournament.

Harry smiled gently at Danzo, who was sitting beside Hokage. Dark eyes smiled at him for a brief moment, before Danzo turned his head as to answer at some or another question the Fire Lord asked.

Dark eyes, behind the veil and white hat with sign for _Sand_ flashed with anticipation.

His prey was there.

The Old Fool was here.

Danzo could be easily dispatched of, of that he had no doubts.

Thin, snakelike lips curled into a cruel smirk.

_**Let the games begin….**_

_**

* * *

**_

_**/To Be Continued/**_


	8. Chapter 8

_KOBAYASHI MARU _

* * *

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own_ Naruto_ or _Harry Potter_ – I only own the characters' quirks and the story as such.

_**Shout Out:**_ Soo, here! The ball is rolling again! I am happy for your reviews, and I hope this batch will satisfy you a little.

_**Warning:**_ Slash: _**Danzo/Harry, Shisui/Itachi**_, one-sided _**Kakashi/Harry, **_and some _**Zabuza/Iruka. **_Some _**Kakashi **_and _**Sasuke bashing; **_Kakashi is still single. And again, this is not strictly chronologically correct, so I apologize in advance.

* * *

_**201) Awake**_

Harry sighed. No matter what, he was awake. He knew that it was not the wisest course of action, but he couldn't help himself.

Suddenly he was enveloped into a warm hug. »Can't sleep? » A rough voice muttered into his hair gruffly, as Danzo nuzzled the fragrant locks, committing his lover's scent to his memory.

Harry sighed. »No.« He replied, one of his hands creeping down and squeezing Danzo's right hand. »I was never good at waiting…« He muttered out, shuddering at Danzo's agreeing hum.

And so, they stood in their little garden, waiting for the dawn.

* * *

_**202) Rent**_

Naruto expected anything, but not that he would be tossed off of the cliff. »OH SHIT!« He yelped, before he quickly contacted his prisoner. »Oi, fur-ball, we have a problem.«

The nine tailed fox yawned. _**»When we don't have a problem, brat?«**_ He grumbled, peeved. _**»It better be good, else – » **_Naruto gulped. »Um… Is Ero – Madao throwing me off the cliff with my reserves null big enough problem for ya?«

Reg eyes bugging out, Kyuubi shot up, nine tails puffed in fright. _**»How many times I told you I am airsick!« **_He bellowed at his container, red eyes wide with panic.

The blond maverick sighed. »Hey, this time I'm not at fault!« he shot back. »Although… I heard Midori- nii talk about taking me to bungee jumping…« He finished slyly.

_**»Oh, no, no no! Anythi**__**ng, just not that gut twisting excuse for a adrenaline sport!«**_ Kyuubi practically wailed, as he began chewing on one of his tails.

Naruto smirked. »Okay…. Give me a rent.«

Kyuubi looked at him. _**»Rent?«**_ He asked dumbly, stopping for a moment on chewing on one of his tails.

Naruto's eyebrow twitched.

»Your _chakra,_ you baka!« He roared, irritated.

* * *

_**203) Anticipation**_

The first fight would be between Uzumaki Naruto and Hyuuga Neji. The air was tense with anticipation, but most of the crowd was chattering about the prodigy Uchiha.

Harry fought the urge to twitch.

Waiting _really _wasn't his forte.

* * *

_**204) Fate**_

»It's my fate I should win today,« Neji announced, making Naruto and Harry twitch.

Danzo cringed. »The idiot is in for a beating now,« he commented dryly at Hokage's inquiring gaze. The Kazekage blinked. And why is it so?« he queried mildly.

Harry snarled. »Because Fate is a bitch and the kid is already fucked with ten-foot pole in his ass, just because he believes he is fated to win. If there's anything I know about life, is that fate doesn't have anything to do with winning or losing the match or anything else. Believing in fate is an excuse for losers who don't want to try to overcome their limitations in order to achieve the best they could. Besides, even if fate exist, it exists only as a possibility, and not certainty.« He sighed.

Sarutobi stared. »You speak as if you had personal experience with this…« He muttered softly, dark eyes sharp.

Harry sighed. »You could say that,« he agreed cryptically, making the nearby listeners even curiouser.

* * *

_**205) **__**Scary**_

Iruka sighed, irritated. Since he agreed to be courted by the oaf, the said oaf named Momochi Zabuza, was following him everywhere. While he liked the silence in his class, he didn't like the brats being downright terrified by the presence of former Demon in the Mist.

* * *

_**206) Late**_

Sasuke twitched. And twitched again.

Hatake Kakashi was late… Again.

And, if Sasuke suspected correctly – he usually did – Kakashi would be late again, and that meant no nookie time – oops, _participation_ in Exams.

_POOF_

Ah, here he was, smiling like idiot, as usual. »Sorry, the back cat crossed my path again, and I had to go the longer way, and then there was a little lady that lost her bunny – »

Sasuke glared. »_You. Are. Late.«_ His voice was crisp.

Kakashi blinked. »Oh? Did I say you have to wait on me? I am flattered, but – »

Sasuke gawped. Well… Kakashi only suggested that Sasuke was to wait on the lazy arse.

_POP. _

A small vein popped on Sasuke's face.

_The idiot cost him makeout time with his dobe!_

He launched at the surprised Kakashi, who yelped, grabbed him by a scruff and disappeared.

* * *

_**207)**__** Regret**_

He watched the green eyed man standing beside Danzo longingly. The man didn't seem to notice him, much to his relief and guilt – if he had, he wouldn't have the willpower to refrain from begging for forgiveness.

He gulped.

Slender hands clenched in fists, he closed his eyes as he hung his head.

It seemed to be just yesterday, when he had been picked up – figuratively – and made into one of Harry's strays.

The guilt weighed heavy on his heart, as he waited for the sign.

* * *

_**208) Cheater**_

Naruto seethed. _How dare he - ! How dare they!_

That had gone against all principles of fair play –

Looking at Gai, Naruto saw the man was angry.

But not as angry as the green-eyed man standing besides Danzo.

… who was positively thunderous.

Sasuke – and Kakashi – were in for a long, long and painful… _talk,_ when all of it would be over.

* * *

_**209) Together**_

_»ENOUGH!«_ Harry's sharp voice quietened the agitated crowd. »Whether you are ANBU or ROOT ANBU, I expect of you to behave professionally – and that meand no bickering like five year olds, and NO pissing contests. We are on a scheldule here, and I, for instance, don't have no patience nor time to straighten out all your squabbles. Before you were shinobi, you were Konoha citizens – and as such, I expect of you to lay off your prejudices and fucking start on working together!« His words, sharp as they were cowed in the majority, but –

»And who are you, _Gaijin?_« Tengu scoffed, his voice high and unpleasant. »Who are you to tell us what to do, when you are only a civilian?«

The ROOT ANBU members bristled with anger. But one of Harry's glares made them stand down.

Harry nodded. »Yes, I am Gaijin. » He agreed easily. »Yes, you may know me as a civilian.« He approached the steadily uneasy Tengu masked man. Green eyes stared into dark eye holes. »But we won't win this battle if we won't be on the same side. Where I came from, there was a war, and let me tell you, the one thing I hate is when dogs are yipping and scuffling at each other because of an imaginary superiority complex, while they should attack and slay common enemy.« Harry's voice was cold and impersonal, making even the seasoned veterans shudder. »So you _will _suck it up – I don't expect that any of you will be butt-buddies 24/7, but I expect – no, I _demand_ that you work together with each other against an enemy whose army is two times, maybe three times bigger than our forces. This… is our priority. Later, when this will be all done and over it, seek me out and complain about having to save your comrade's butt just because you were clever enough to get out of the line of fire faster than them – that is, if you will be lucky enough to survive the onslaught.«

Tengu's jaw snapped together audibly. After a moment, he nodded sharply and saluted to the green eyed man.

»What the hell was that, Tengu?« Tengu's comrade, Nezumi, asked the man. The dark-haired man shook his head. »You wouldn't understand, Nezu. » He whispered out. »When I saw his eyes…« He paused, as he looked at his katana. »It was like looking into abyss.«

Nezumi was silent. »He's not civilian,« He concluded, his voice quiet. Tengu nodded. »No, he's not,« He agreed. »But – even if he isn't a shinobi – it felt as if he could crush me and not think much about his actions later.« He shuddered. »What the _fuck_ is he?«

* * *

_**210) **__**Heal**_

Lee was laying in the hospital bed, his thoughts morose.

When Gaara crushed his legs… it was painful. Painful beyond his words. But the knowledge, that he would be useless cripple for the rest of his life, was devastating.

He didn't have parents. He was an orphan, plain and simple. The only one who took their time, what with Lee's unability to use chakra, was Gai-sensei.

He was broken. At first, it was body. Then, it was mind – all shinobi were crazy, one way or another – and finally, spirit.

But then,_ he_ came.

Dark green eyes and black hair, clad in colors of grey ash and desert sand.

_»I will heal you.«_

Those were the words the stranger said to him.

And somehow, Lee couldn't help himself but to believe the man.

* * *

_**211) Desire**_

He had two desires – the Uchiha and this green-eyed youth.

Having the body of Uchiha was an understandable goal. But the youth… was something else.

He wanted him. Desired him. Was obsessed with him from the moment he saw him – well, not him, per se, but the_ Bunshin_ replica that one of his underlings made.

He still remembered that night – he came across him, and he wondered, just what was his errant little protege doing.

The poof of smoke – and he could only stare.

The youth was smaller than his protege, clad in strange clothes – black and dark gray, with black, shoulder length hair and pale face and green, green eyes.

He didn't know how many time had passed, before his protege dismissed the bunshin, a longing smile on his lips, but when he did, Orochimaru felt as if he were thrown into an ice pond.

This… was _perfection._

And Orochimaru vowed, if only to himself, to find the original of this captivating image, and keep him forever.

* * *

_**212) **__**Summoning**_

Naruto finally managed to summon the Toad Boss.

_**»OI, Jiraiya! Why did you summon me?«**_ The Toad Boss' voice boomed across the ravine.

Naruto grimaced. »Uh… I didn't summon you,« Jiraiya pointed out hesitantly. He pointed at the fuming blond. _»I_ summoned you.« Naruto said frostily.

Gamabunta chuckled. _**»You, twerp? Hah, that's a riot.«**_ Naruto growled. »I _so_ did. Ask the Madao – who, by the way threw me off the cliff to summon your wrinkly old ass here to prevent myself going _'splat'_, and – »

Gamabunta sniffled. _**»You reek of snakes, kid.«**_

Naruto snorted. »Of course I do!« He returned hotly. »Midori-nii is snake summoner – »

Gamabunta's bulbous eyes widened. _**»Gaki, are you telling me that you are Speaker's ward?«**_ He asked, incredulously.

Naruto blinked. »Uh… Yes?« He ventured, scratching the back of his head.

Gamabunta chuckled. _**»You are lucky, kid. Very, very lucky. To think that he…«**_ He shook his massive head. _**»Anyway, you have to stay on my head for as long as you could.«**_

Naruto grinned. »Yes – WHOA!« He yelped out, as he hurriedly applied chakra to his legs. »Next time, gimme some warning!«

Gamabunta snorted. »_**No can do, kid. Now, let's see if you are of sterner stuff than Jiraiya – baka.«**_

Naruto huffed. »That Ero –Madao has nuthin' on me,« He declared, startiling the battle toad into a bellow of laughter.

* * *

_**213) Wraith**_

Dark eyes looked from the emotionless crow mask at the group Oto nins.

»I'm bored.« one of the guards whined, before he was headslapped by his counterpart. »Takao, you jerk!« he complained.

Takao snorted. »Well, at least you are not bored anymore, are you?« He asked, pale grey eyes rolling heavenward.

The hidden shinobi took out his tools and in some quick strokes, he drew a Wraith.

The Oto shinobi didn't know what hit them.

Dark eyes glittered behind the expresionless mask menacingly.

»Dickless.« He muttered at the two cooling bodies disdainfully.

Whoever wanted to harm his Harry-aniki, Sai would have no mercy on them.

Quiet as a ghost, Sai vanished into the green canopy of leaves.

* * *

_**214)**__** Remebered**_

Itachi looked at his mother, cleverly hidden in the shadows. Mikoto was older, his eyes were wearied and filled with loss. Making his heart sting with sharp pain.

She was praying at his grave.

She prayed there for half an hour, before standing up.

And there, on the small patch, laid fresh white lilies.

* * *

_**215) Accusing**_

Sasuke refused to flinch under Naruto's accusing eyes.

Yes, what he did was wrong. Yes, he was an idiot.

But – he was an avenger first and –

He had to be careful, because this sand was very, very treacherous and .

In the back of his mind, there hovered a picture of those sky-blue, forget-me-not colored eyes that pierced his heart with that accusing stare.

* * *

_**216) Feathers**_

Harry blinked as the feathers began to fall.

_Feathers…?_

His inner core recoiled at the soothing –_ alien_ - feeling pervading his brain.

Discreetly, he touched Danzo's hand, receiving an imperceptible nod.

* * *

_**217) Headache**_

Danzo had a monstrous workload. But with the approaching invasion, his workload was doubled, and so were his headaches.

He glared at the unrepentant ANBU idiot.

»You are telling_ me_ that I have to _request _ for your cooperation with my forces – and write the said request in _triplicate_, and the answer would come back in _two weeks?«_ he said incredulously, while soon to be dead ANBU newbie nodded self-importantly.

He just felt his headache beginning to gnaw on his last braincells.

»We will be _invaded _in less than two weeks, and you want to dictate me on _proper procedure of filing paperwork?«_

Danzo's voice was deathly quiet.

_'Oh, shit._' ROOT ANBU cleverly hid themselves far, far away from the epicenter of rage, named Danzo.

»GET OUT!« Danzo roared, dark eyes bright with unholy fury. » IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE RIGHT TO LECTURE ME HOW TO RUN YOU FUCKING FOOLS, YOU ARE SORELY MISTAKEN!« Danzo's battle aura flared up, scaring the ANBU idiot shitless.

This evening, nobody was safe from the wrath of Hurricane Danzo.

The foolish ANBU who was dumb enough to lecture Danzo, wasn't kindly greeted by his colleagues, either.

Thanks to him, the entire ANBU corps were under mercy of their ROOT counterpart while training.

_Ouch._

* * *

_**218) Whipped**_

Anko sniggered as he watched strong, proud, big Demon of the Mist, cowering before the angry, smaller than him, Iruka Umino.

The reason?

Zabuza was teaching the brats kunai throwing– that would be good, but oh, no, Zabuza just _HAD _to go after sharp ones, instead of dulled that were prescribed for beginners.

She made a whipping sound with her mouth, grinning with delight.

_Oh, Zabuza was __so __whipped._

_

* * *

_

_**219)**__** Hairballs**_

Harry stared. There they were, wet like drowned dogs, and equally as miserable.

»Please, Harry!« The human – shaped one begged, big, liquid brown eyes looking into his green ones.

A whine of his canine companion echoed the plead of his human companion.

Harry sighed.

»You should have learned that stepping on fox's tail isn't exactly advisable action.« He muttered out.

The white dog woofed out.

Harry stared at the blushing Kiba.

»Well, just so you won't be walking and talking hairballs…« He sighed, giving in.

He had to stifle a snicker at the memory of two puffy balls of hair running from the horde of cats.

Apparently, Naruto had discovered wonders of Puffskein-Tofees.

* * *

_**220) **__**Problem**_

_SLAM_

Harry looked up from his scroll, glasses precariously low on his nose. He corrected the positions of glasses., as he felt Danzo curl around him.

»Anger problem, love?« he asked mildly, green eyes twinkling with mirth.

Danzo snorted.

»I don't have an _anger _problem. I have an _idiot _problem.« He growled out, his voice slightly hoarse from all that screaming he had to do.

Harry chuckled. »ANBU division again?« Danzo nodded sourly. »**A**ssholes, **N**oobs, **B**astards, **U**-No-Poos – as usual.« He griped, messing his hair with frustration.

»At that rate, we could just make a welcoming committee for Orochimaru and be done with it.«

* * *

_**/To Be Continued/**_


	9. Chapter 9

_KOBAYASHI MARU_

* * *

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own Harry Potter, nor do I own Naruto. Similarly, the part of used lyrics – _Until It Sleeps_, is the property of it's artists and owners.

_**Shout Out:**_ Ah – _Choo!_ Damn it, this April weather seriously boned my immune system. _/Irritated sniffle/ _Aching head, sniffling nose and itchy, itchy throat… and one lazy plotdragon I had to literally drag out of his plothole by its tail to tame. I apologize for not updating _**Kobayashi Maru**_ sooner, but I hadn't a clue how to proceed with story not to get it straight into cliche waters. So Happy Belated Easter and enjoy this installment!

_**Warnings:**_ _**AU-verse**_ like whoa, and I mean it, seriously. Still _**Harry Potter (Midori)/**_**_Himura Danzo_**, although not much mushy stuff this time, so for those squeamish about mushy stuff, you can rest assured… this time.

_**Edit:** _One of you was kind enough to warn me of this gaffe with pairings. Because I am simultaneously writing Among the Hawks and Doves, I entered the wrong pairing. I apologize for the inconvenience.

_**Edit 2:**_ Smaller mistakes are corrected now - for some reason the word procesor here likes to stick some words together. _/grumbles/_ If you notice any further mistakes in words, please send me a notice. Thank you and enjoy!

* * *

**221) Pocky**

Usually, Itachi ate healthily, with some very rare exceptions. Chocolate here and there, his mother's biscuits were dutifully eaten – not that they were bad tasting, but something was still missing, and his tongue was regularly scraped with the taste of Akimichi's ration bars. In culinary terms, Itachi had nothing exciting to munch on.

_Crunch. Crunch, crunch, crackle_ –

Itachi's ears twitched at the sound. He looked at the shameless perpetrator of those sounds.

He was a green-eyed man, with a slender**,** smaller than average build. His black hair was the messiest thing Itachi had ever seen, excluding Uzumaki-kun's yellow mane. There were bets about whether it was natural, or if Harry had invented some kind of a jutsu for his hair to behave so… unruly. It was possible; after all, Jiraiya-sama had invented his infamous _Hari Jizo…_

_Smack. Slurp. _

Now that was just _obscene._ Itachi winced as the man's teeth crunched down on the slender roll of… _something._

Green eyes looked at him. "You hungry, Itachi?" Harry-san asked kindly as he finished the crunchy roll with relish. The Uchiha prodigy shook his head. "I am not, thank –"

_GROOOWLLL_

He was interrupted with his stomach's complaint, making his blush with mortification – as much as Uchiha could blush – his cheeks were flushed pink so very faintly that it was almost unnoticeable. However, Harry wasn't a Slytherin for nothing. Inwardly smirking, the wizard's dark eyebrow arched. "I think your stomach begs to differ, Itachi-kun. When was the last time you ate something?" He asked sternly, making Itachi fidget on his spot. "Um… Last night?" he offered, blinking with confusion.

Harry stared at the teen. "Are you trying to yank my chain?" He asked flatly, knowing full well that Itachi had returned from his ANBU-issued mission last night. Dark eyes blinked. "I assure you I don't have any chain to yank you with. Besides, Danzo-sama would be very unhappy with me if I did."

His matter-of-fact answer made Harry snort in agreement, as the wizard offered him a boy of the…variously flavored crunchy rolls. "Here, try some pocky." He offered dryly, smiling.

Hesitantly, Itachi picked up dark one and bit into it. And froze.

The flavor of dark chocolate mixed with orange shavings exploded on his tongue, along with crunchy texture of insides of the roll, making him inadvertently swallow the – the _divine _meal.

Green eyes watched the Uchiha prodigy with amusement as Itachi immersed himself in eating and generally enjoying the small treat.

The munching ended far too soon, and Itachi's blissed-out face fell.

Harry suppressed laughter at the sight. One more convert to the divine wonder that was pocky.

"How was it?" He asked, smiling, barely restraining himself not to cackle outright. Who would have thought that corrupting people felt so good?

Black eyes turned red with three _tomoe _spinning as they zeroed on the box in Harry's hands.

"Gimme."

Since then, Itachi was always seen munching on a pocky stick or two when on a mission and woe betide anyone who dared to suggest he desist worshipping his favorite treat.

* * *

**222) Protector**

Gaara squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. Inside him, there were so many feelings – anxiety, shame, despair, helplessness…

To think that he was returning the kindness of his protector by unleashing the _Ichibi_ onto Konoha…

To think he was weak enough to follow the commands of his father, cowardly enough to not tell Harry-san about the invasion.

He was so, so very useless…

'_What kind of protector you are,'_ his sub consciousness mocked him.

'_You can't even protect the ones who care for you…'_

And then, his body was not his own anymore and the last thing he heard was Ichibi's triumphant howl.

* * *

**223) Cowed**

Harry glared at the idiot who was attempting to sell the little kitsune chibi expired groceries. "And just _what_ do you think you're doing, hmmm?" His voice came out as a soft, silky purr, which made said idiot puff up in righteous anger. "I am selling the br- Uzumaki groceries, what does it look like!" The fat man barked out, his buggy eyes narrowed with dislike. "Any reason you're selling him the expired ones when you have more than enough fresh ones laying around?" The dangerous purr lowered itself into a steely octave, which made the hidden ROOT shudder with dread. Harry-san was generally a good guy to be around, but piss him off… hoo, boy, then you were on your own.

Green eyes stared at the grocer emotionlessly while their owner gathered the bewildered kitsune brat to him.

One second.

Two seconds later…. The man had begun to sweat.

Three seconds after it, the man broke. "Alright!" He squawked out desperately. "I'll sell him fresh stuff, just stop staring at me!"

The green gaze intensified for a moment, making the poor man flinch violently, and then, Harry smiled kindly. "I knew it was just a misunderstanding on your part," He said cheerfully, while smiling kindly, cowing the man further into the little ball of nervousness.

The ROOT ANBU and Naruto were eyeing Harry with awe. There was absolutely no killing intent involved but…

"Wow. _Talk _about being intimidating," The ROOT ANBU muttered quietly to his compatriot, while Naruto just stared at his new savior with huge, adoring blue fox eyes.

* * *

**224) Stray**

'_Just like a curse, just like a stray, _

_You feed it once, and now it stays._

_Now it stays…'_

The lyrics rolled through Harry's brain as he watched the little chibi sniffle around, looking for his unintended savior. He sighed, sweatdropping.

It wasn't the brightest idea he had, feeding the little kitsune chibi, but the kid had looked so pitiful he just couldn't help but let his hero complex come forward and take care of the kid… if only for a little while.

But this… this was _ridiculous._

At first he had been happy that the kid was fed and those cornflower blue eyes – really, what an unusual color – were sparkling with happiness, but it was not his duty to take care of the brat any further. He already had enough troubles, thank you very much!

But then, his Potter luck struck again.

The chibi sniffed and then turned around, gifting Harry with his biggest, sparkliest smile to date.

Harry froze like a cornered little animal.

'_No… No, just… no.' _His brain ran frantically, but no matter what he thought of, he couldn't get out of this – whatever it was.

"Harry-san!" The chibi exclaimed as he barreled full force into the slender green eyed man, making Harry lose his breath and wonder if Naruto was a linebacker or something in his former life. The kit sure could tackle, despite being a scrawny gaki and eating almost unreal amounts of ramen. Where he packed it, Harry didn't know. Nor did he want to find out.

Some things were better left alone, but for now…

"_Oomph!"_ Harry exhaled. He just knew he should have Apparated out when he still had a chance.

But _nooo_, one look from those kitsune eyes and he was standing here as if he were nailed and unable to move an inch.

Damn it. Did Naruto have some kind of _Kekkei Genkai_ nobody knew about?

He sighed as he ruffled the unruly yellow spikes of the kid.

It was time to feed the stray again, he supposed…

Damn you, Potter luck.

* * *

**225) Fascinating**

This was… _fascinating._ He licked his lips under the veil, dark eyes looking greedily at the green eyed man who was talking to Danzo.

Usually, he wouldn't have bothered with a civilian, no matter how pretty he looked – well, no, that was a lie. Something in this one was beckoning his attention like a flame would to a moth – and it wasn't only his form and those jeweled green eyes…

No – it was… something more. Something like snakes and power – oh, _yes,_ that unremarkable little civilian had a plethora of chakra and Orochimaru just itched to dissect him and find out what made the young man tick.

He snarled as the man – _his prey, dammit!_ –affectionately pecked Konoha's warhawk on the cheek, and then walked away with Danzo smiling at him warmly, before he remembered to school his features into polite disinterest.

"And who was that?" The _Hebi-Sannin_ under Kazekage cover asked, before he could curb his impulse.

"Hmm?" Hokage hummed distractedly, looking into the arena, smiling at Naruto's antics with Kiba.

"That man with Danzo." Orochimaru prodded his ex-sensei carefully. He had to act inconspicuously, else - well, at least Sarutobi didn't meet with the Kazekage in person much, so the doddering old fool was easy to take advantage of.

"Oh, him?" Sarutobi nodded carelessly in the way of green-eyed man. "He's Harry…Danzo's personal assistant, I believe."

Orochimaru almost growled at the old man's dismissive tone. "They don't look like employer and employee." He pointed out mildly.

Brown eyes looked at him, taken aback. "Why, Kazekage-sama, I didn't know your past times involved gossiping." The Hokage mildly said to his guest, puffing out another cloud of smoke.

Orochimaru growled to himself. _'You old monkey fart…'_ Outside he shrugged. "I'm not, but their relationship is… _different._ Or did the laws of relationships at work change somewhat?" He challenged**,** his voice bland and just accusing enough for the ancient baboon to spill his beans.

The Hokage hummed thoughtfully. "No, they did not. But nothing in the laws forbids spouses greeting each other, does it?" He volleyed back flippantly, making Orochimaru's jaw dislocate with shock.

_Shlack – _

Hurriedly, Orochimaru grasped his jaw and casually pushed it back on its rightful place. One of the more disturbing body characteristics he had gotten when he was initiated as a _Hebi-__Sannin__,_ was his ability to dislocate his jaw at will, along with no gag reflex and an almost disturbingly flexibile and absurdly long tongue.

The Snake Summoner winced as he accidentally bit his tongue inhis haste to get his lower jaw in its proper place.

"Oth, weally?" He lisped, before wincing at Hokage's knowing glaze.

"Are you alright, Kazekage-san?" Sarutobi asked him, his face concerned.

'_Damn it, you can't drop such a bombshell __on__ me and then expect me NOT to react, old man!'_ Orochimaru fumed helplessly at the old monkey while he managed a curt nod.

"Yeth. Jus' bit mah tongue." He calmly responded, while carefully moving said appendage and wincing.

The Hokage nodded understandingly.

"Happens to the best of us," He remarked softly, his voice mild as milk and ignoring the 'Kazekage's watery glare at his person.

* * *

**226) Sharp**

The hospital was also under siege. It was an underhanded tactic, but also very effective, because if most of the medics were crippled then there was less chance of the besieged to successfully even the field.

However, they didn't count on the Konoha's Hospital newest acquisition.

Haku was not amused. He hadn't attended the match because he had his hands full with Rock Lee, as the second Green Beast of Konoha insisted he was youthful enough to get back to training, and Haku had to use his _Hannya_ mask - scary face – to get him to obediently stay in his bed.

And then, it exploded.

They invaded the hospital quickly, like lightning and the shinobi that were suspended to bed rest were pressed to retaliate to protect the civilian patients and workers.

Haku wasn't happy._  
_

"You… dare to enter the hospital with ill intent?" He asked, his voice soft, as he fingered some of his senbon needles.

The man with Oto sign grinned nastily. He was huge and carried a war hammer**.**

Haku didn't flinch.

"What's tha' to ya, brat?" The man leered at him, before swinging the hammer at him.

Haku nimbly dodged and at the same time threw the needle.

The target was hit true.

"Oh, nothing." He said mildly. "But if you really want to live in the hospital, it's only my obligation to give you something that would make you _stay_ inside… within reason, too."

The man froze in mid swing, his beady brown eyes widening with panic.

"Wha – Wha' did ya do ta me?" he managed to get out.

Haku smirked.

"Have a nice trip," he purred out, before he created an ice mirror and vanished to protect another section.

The man collapsed on the floor, his lips slowly coloring blue as his eyes widened with horror before he screamed with pain.

Note to observers: Don't piss off the ice-wielding medic who has the sharp, sharp tips of his senbon needles tipped in a hallucinogenic and pain-causing potion.

Take _that,_ Tsunade.

* * *

**227) Pandemonium**

The few minutes after they released the Genjutsu were pure pandemonium. Even with knowing they will be invaded, it still took some time to accept this as a reality.

It was chaos of colors, weapons, masses of bodies and techniques which would mesmerize any observer if observation wasn't such a dangerous task.

The Konoha Genin were hapless, floundering around for a few precious moments before following Naruto's example and getting into the fray themselves.

And this… this was _war._

* * *

**228) Amaterasu**

_"Amaterasu!"_ Uchiha Hideo spat out, incinerating a good deal of the enemy forces. He was one of the rare Uchihas that could control the flame adequately enough to be used efficiently.

His enemy didn't have a chance.

Red eyes narrowed in contempt.

They were fools to attack Konohagakure…. And more so, to think that the Uchiha clan would stand aside and let them raze their ancestral lands to the ground.

Idiots, the lot of them.

The Uchiha may have had a grudge against the Senju and they wished to be less oppressed by the other clans and viewed as equals, but when it came to outsiders butting into Konoha's business, then all bets were off.

Like it or not, Konoha was their home and they would protect it to their last breath.

* * *

**229) Madness**

"This – This is _madness!"_ One of the invaders spluttered out when he was fighting with the Demon of the Mist – err, now Demon of the Leaf.

Zabuza grunted as he pressed the idiot away from the children and Iruka.

"No. " The attacker could almost hear the maniac grin in his voice.

"This. Is. _**KONOHA!"**_

Zabuza _Shunshined_ behind the unfortunate grunt's back and kicked him in the behind.

The Academy students watched the fight with starry eyes.

"So cool…" Konohamaru breathed out, while Iruka face palmed.

He really had to have a word with Harry about allowing Zabuza watch that movie about Spartans.

The man's scream when he vanished into the… hole was chilling, but the kids just cheered.

"Since when do you have a Doton affinity?" Iruka deadpanned when Zabuza returned back to them, nonchalantly dispatching of the three other grunts.

Because really, as far as Iruka knew, there was no Very-Big-Man-Made-Hole on the Academy's grounds.

Zabuza winced.

"Since now?" He squeaked out, dark eyes hopeful.

Iruka sighed.

"Let's just get the kids to somewhere safe." He grumbled out, his voice defeated.

It didn't help that Konohamaru apparently found a new role model… aside from Naruto, that is.

* * *

**230) Scar**

Harry had the strange habit of kissing Danzo on the scar on his chin, just as Danzo had the strange habit of kissing the faded lightning bolt on Harry's forehead.

It was their little ritual for when they were alone, to confirm they were still together, that they cared about each other beyond the superficial scars and images.

And they intended to keep it that way.

* * *

**231) Flower**

Ino was a loud, bossy little girl who was manning the family shop for the first time. Well, her Daddy went for some official business, and Ino insisted on being left there to take care of the shop. And stubborn as she was, she obviously got her wish.

The clinking of the wind chimes alerted her to the customer. Well, anything was better than the boring waiting she had been doing for the past half an hour.

"Welcome!" She said, smiling her cutest smile at the stranger.

The man was of average height – not as tall as her Daddy anyway, had wild black hair and the greenest eyes she had ever seen.

"Pretty!" Ino blurted out, before her eyes widened and covered her mouth.

The green-eyed man blinked. "Huh?" He asked, confused, making Ino's cheeks redden even more.

"Um… You have pretty eyes!" Ino managed to get out, only for the man to laugh kindly and ruffle her hair.

"Why, thank you. And who are you, little lady?"

Ino puffed out her chest. "I am Yamanaka Ino, the prettiest flower in Konoha! My Daddy says so!"

The man inclined his head, a small smile on his lips. "Then I will believe your Daddy. I am Potter Harry, nice to meet you. Just call me Midori."

Ino nodded, before she caught herself. "Yes mister. Um, how may I help you?"

Harry smiled at the enthusiastic girl. "I need some seeds of the Moon Lily, if you have them."

Blue eyes widened. "Of course we have them! But Daddy tried to make 'em grow, an' they don't want to!" She pouted, her lower lip jutting out slightly.

Harry chuckled at her petulant voice. "Of course. But Moon Lilies area special kind of flower, so they have to have special care."

Ino perked up. "You know how?" She asked, her blue eyes huge and sparkling.

Chuckling, Harry nodded.

"Then I would be interested in hearing about it." A male voice came behind him, making Harry turn around.

Ino beamed. "Daddy!" She exclaimed as she hopped off the chair and rushed to the tall, blonde-haired man.

"Hello, flower." The man smiled as he kneeled to her height, allowing her to glomp him. "Was everything alright?"

Ino nodded proudly. "Yes! Hanatsuki-san came for her orange roses, and Hanataro came for his bushes, and I told him how to take care of 'em. Did I do right Daddy?"

The man smiled at his beaming daughter gently. "Of course, little flower." Then, blue eyes looked at Harry. "Would you please tell me how to grow Moon Lilies? I've been trying to get them to grow for three years, and nothing!"

Harry chuckled. "Of course, Yamanaka-san. Anything for a flower."

Inoichi smiled.

And this was the first meeting of many between the two gardening enthusiasts.

* * *

**232) Prepared**

"_Shishienjin."_ Danzo muttered as the four violet walls sprang into the life, making Sarutobi eye him sharply.

"Kukuku, sharp as always, Danzo." A familiar voice from behind the veil complimented the ROOT before the hat was thrown away, making Sarutobi stiffen with betrayal and Danzo narrow his eyes.

"Orochimaru." Danzo acknowledged the Snake Sannin coldly. "How nice of you to visit us." The sarcasm made the Sannin's pale lips curl into a sardonic smirk.

"Of course, of course…. You know, I was always fond of my alma mater… and you, Danzo? Are you Hokage yet?"

The sibilant query made Danzo glare at the culprit , before Sarutobi put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't mind him. He's just trying to psych you out." The Hokage muttered to his teammate.

"Hnn." Danzo hummed out a non-committal response, but his body relaxed a tiny bit nonetheless.

He slid into his battle stance, with the Hokage copying him seamlessly.

"Are you prepared?" Danzo purred out, dark eyes glinting .

"Always, old friend." The Hokage muttered back, making Danzo start a little, but then, he smirked.

"Just like old times, heh."

The Hokage smirked. "Don't make me cover your crazy arse too much. I am old, you know."

And they leapt.

* * *

**233) Tremble**

Sasuke trembled.

This – This was almost too much!

Gaara was a monster in human skin –

He gasped as he dodged the next sand tentacle.

If only he had something more than Chidori and -

The dark rush of power and pain overtook his senses, and he screamed.

The Cursed Seal had been activated.

* * *

**234) Resistance**

The invaders thought the invasion would be as easy as pie. Sure, Konoha was big and strong, but they were also unaware of their impending doom and they were, in comparison with them, pathetically understaffed.

So it had been a huge surprise when the attackers began to… well, attack, there was no panic or disorder of mass proportions. Instead of that, random people were either being hauled to safe places, and other would-be civilians were fighting with the Oto and Suna nin.

Kazemaru was an Oto nin – in fact, he had been a nuke-nin before he was drafted into Orochimaru's forces, and he was a pretty good fighter, if he said so himself. He wasn't one of the best fighters, but he was a solid B-rank one, what with his ability of using twin tonfa-like blades to a terrifying effect. His nickname, _'Praying Mantis'_ was not only for show.

The beginning of the attack had been successful – somewhat. The civilians had caused the pandemonium and they had kept the home forces from attacking with the more lethal jutsus they had at their disposal, while Oto and Suna were not hindered by keeping the civvies alive. Hideo enjoyed the chaos and manslaughter for all of ten minutes, but then, the tide of battle abruptly shifted around.

_CLANG_

Kazemaru abruptly shielded the blow of the knife against his chest. He blinked. "Hoo?" he smirked, his gaunt face a terrifying counterpoint to his slender body. "Just what do you think you could do with your pretty little knives?" He mocked his opponent, while licking the stray blood off of his lips.

Asuma snorted. "Let's find out, shall we?" he mumbled out while he channeled the chakra into his blades.

And they leapt toward each other.

* * *

**235) Cooperation**

Kakashi grunted as he hit another enemy with his Chidori. Those bastards were annoying him to hell and back and he already felt the exhaustion.

He was seriously outta stamina, what with him being out of ANBU.

"Watch out!" Gai called to him, and Kakashi turned around, but he was… too slow.

His body chilled with dread, before he was practically thrown to the ground like a rag doll by two hands -

"_Fuuton/Katon: __**Entei!**__"_ The two voices chorused, and Kakashi felt the wind rush toward the enemy before joining with a stream of fire and engorging itself into a half-formed animal that roared and leapt forward, engulfing the duo that had managed to almost off Sharingan no Kakashi.

The next moment all that was left of them was a small hill of ashes.

His jaw dropped. "Wha – What the _fuck?_" he sputtered, before he was grabbed for the scruff of his neck and hauled up.

"No time!" The ROOT ANBU – Hagetake, if he remembered correctly – snarled at him. The other ANBU was Hotaru, one of his former subordinates, if he remembered correctly.

Kakashi gave them a bewildered nod before he deflected the stray kunai, and the unlikely ANBU duo _Shunshined_ away, their duty done for the moment.

Hotaru, he remembered, was a fire specialist, but he didn't know that Hagetake was Wind aligned!

Sure, ROOT ANBU were a secretive bunch, and Wind users were absurdly rare in Konoha but _this - !_

However, that cinched something.

Kakashi snarled as he spun around, gutting the overenthusiastic Sand nin mercilessly, allowing his ANBU persona come to front.

The rumors… of double affinities were now confirmed.

And thus, the project _Helix _unmasked its terrifying potential.

However, the most worrisome thing was that both ROOT and regular ANBU were cooperating like a well-oiled machine and Kakashi didn't know anything about it!

He spat out an expletive at the stray thought of what that could mean.

The Hokage was _so _boned.

And Kakashi threw himself into the fray, heading to the Sandaime Hokage to report.

* * *

**236) Yuurei / Ghost**

He snarled as the Oto-nin managed to ambush the small group of civilians.

And then, he leapt.

There was a streak of black, auburn and silver before it stopped in front of the trembling civilians, snarling viciously at the invaders.

"Mama! Look! A doggy!" A small girl pointed out at him innocently**. **Her huge eyes, still wet with tears, were now glistening with wonder.

"M – More like a small horse!" The man of the small family sputtered out, clenching a bat tightly in his hand, ready, willing and able to clobber the animal's skull if it showed the slightest intent of threatening his family.

"Whoa! One of Inuzuka's ninken?" An Oto-nin asked dumbly, only to yelp as the other one cuffed him. "No, you idiot! He doesn't have their sign… See?"

And truly, the animal didn't have a collar with the Inuzuka sign around its furry neck. The small family became nervous again.

If that wasn't an Inuzuka ninken, then what was he?

The wolf snarled again, his voice deeper this time.

"Good doggy," another Oto nin mocked the animal, before throwing the kunai… at it. "Now fetch." But the wolf didn't move, aside from snatching the kunai from the air.

And then, he leapt forward.

What happened next, could only be described as a massacre on the wolf's part.

The wolf was so quick it sometimes seemed like he was a ghost – appearing and disappearing in the places that were the most inconvenient for its attackers.

Five minutes later, it was finished.

The wolf's face was red with the blood of its enemies, and he still held the kunai he had fetched from the Oto dumbass in his powerful jaws.

_CRUNCH._

The first grade steel was bitten in half as if it were a chicken bone and not something infinitely harder.

The family stared at the magnificent animal as it motioned for them to follow it.

"Uh… Inu-san?" The man, Yukimura Kenichi, asked hesitantly. The wolf nodded.

Kenichi slowly approached it, flinching a little as his scruffy collar was snatched and he was gently placed on the wolf's back. "W – Whoa!" he yelped out, but the wolf just grunted.

"Papa! Can I? Can I?" the little girl called, her dark eyes shining brightly.

Kenichi looked at the wolf. "Um… I suppose… If Inu-san would allow, that is?"

The wolf huffed and stepped to the woman, making Kenichi grip the wolf's fur to balance himself.

A minute later, the small family was safely on the big wolf's back, quickly riding to the safe spot.

/*/

The old man who looked at the vanishing wolf shook his head.

"Really, he's like a ghost," He murmured to himself as he patted the little girl's head fondly. Aiko, the little girl, giggled at the memory of the wolf's soft fur.

Kenichi nodded thoughtfully. "Yes. Maybe the gods sent him to protect us…" he trailed off slowly.

"Wherever he is, I hope that Yuurei-san is safe."

/*/

The aforementioned wolf sneezed in the middle of shifting.

"_Wuu_-choo!" The first part of the sneeze was began by the wolf, but the second one was finished by the man.

"Someone is talking about me again." Harry muttered, peeved, his face and part of his hair red with blood, before he cleaned it off with a charm.

And thus, the Great Wolf, named Yuurei, entered the annals of Konoha's legends.

* * *

**237) Useless**

"What the hell are you still doing on the field!" Naruto screamed at the flinching pinkette as he deflected another kunai before hurriedly spamming some more _Kagebunshin_ who sprinted into the fray like lithe orange clad dervishes.

"Shika – Get the pinky and the banshee outta here!" Naruto screamed to Shikamaru, who was straining to hold off two Jouninin his _Kagemane no Jutsu._

Trembling, Sakura bit her lip as she clenched her hand around her kunai.

_Was she really so useless…?_

She clenched her jaw shut and threw the kunai.

Her aim was true – one of the Jounin Shikamaru was holding off in his technique was hit in his eye.

Instant death.

She swallowed bile as Shikamaru eyed her with surprise in his dark orbs for a moment.

"I am not useless." She mumbled, but her face was ashen as she fumbled for the next kunai.

Swallowing heavily, she couldn't help but wince as Naruto's clone threw a shuriken, slitting the man's throatas easily as if it were a silk.

And then, she dropped on her knees and vomited.

_Useless_, indeed.

* * *

**238) Shish-kabob**

_CRASH CRUNK KA-WHOOSH!_

Harry's eyebrow twitched at the sound. This was becoming annoying.

A pissing contest in the shape of summoning…. Yeah, _right._

One of them was obviously Jiraiya, if he heard right.

And the other… was obviously snakes.

The mess became even bigger as Gamabunta bellowed his war cry and –

He had had it.

He quickly Apparated on the Toad's head – the lull was at least good for something – he had a solid platform to land on.

"_Yipe!_ Warn me before you appear here, brat!" The Madao yelped at him, but Harry didn't listen to the old man. He had better things to do… namely, the three-headed snake looming around.

"I'VE _HAD IT_ WITH YOU ALL!" Harry roared at the snake, which was in the process of crushing another part of wall. The previously bloodthirsty serpent flinched and scooted back quickly – or at least as quickly as such a gigantic Summon could.

"SOKACHI! " The serpent flinched at the commanding voice.

"M – Master?" It whimpered out, all three heads fearfully watching the fuming wizard.

An idiotic Konoha-nin got the snake into Goukakyuu, only for his attack to be rebuffed by the same fuming wizard.

"Houka, you had your orders." Harry hissed out, green eyes flashing with fury. The left head looked away shamefully.

"Sora, I know you're daydreaming most of the time, but this was NOT the right time to do something so stupid. You promised to abstain from following the fake Sannin, and I believed you." Harry continued, his voice still pissed out, but a little calmer now. The right head emitted something like a… whimper?

Green eyes zeroed to the middle head which was swaying nervously.

"And you, Tsuchi – I trusted you to keep the two idiots in line. You at least were _grounded _enough to rationally _think _for all three of you."

With each spoken word, the previously homogonous snake seemed to curl into itself with shame.

"Forgive us, Master." All three heads bowed low, much to the surprise of Gamabunta and his Summoner.

"What the Hell?" Jiraiya muttered, perplexed. Harry-san was hissing something at the snake, and it was cringing into itself as if struck repeatedly? What kind of Jutsu was that?

Harry sighed at the pitiful look all three heads were sending to him.

"I will have words with Manda later. But for now…." He paused looking over the cowed snake, "You go back to the Summoning realm and tell Manda to get his scaly tail here right NOW!"

He barked, and the snake straightened, making both of the factions tense with anticipation.

"Yes Sir, right away, Sir! "

Harry didn't know how a three headed snake could salute, but this one apparently did.

A _poof_ later, the battlefield was bigger and emptier and the invaders were backing away nervously, while the Konoha-nin grinned with blood thirst.

"Let's show them Konoha's Will of Fire!" Jiraiya's scream got cheers and the defenders jumped into the fray once more.

"Thanks for the help, Harry – Harry?" Jiraiya turned to the green-eyed man, but he was standing alone on Gamabunta's head once more.

"Troublesome gaki," Jiraiya grumbled out, smiling fondly, before he launched a gout of oil.

/*/

"Ah-_Tchoo!"_ Manda sneezed. An ugly shudder went up his spine.

"I think someone wants to remake me into shish-kabob." The Snake Boss Summon muttered to himself, curling into an anxious coil.

He had a very…. Unpleasant premonition of just who exactly that person was… And he didn't look forward to his meeting with the King Slayer.

He gulped with dread.

Time to switch to a very, very long, no meat, fruit-and-water only diet.

_Drat._

* * *

**239) Dire wolf**

He was free. Free to roam and find game, free to fight and take the names… Err, no. Not really.

The huge wolf was running through the forest, his paws barely rustling the leaves and grass. It was bigger than anything except forthe biggest canine summons and the Inuzuka _ninken_, but he was also more slender and had longer fur. Golden eyes with a greenish tint were looking out for anything should either enemy or prey cross his path and long pink tongue was lolling out of the muzzle, filled with sharp white teeth. Triangle shaped ears were occasionally swiveling around, catching the tiniest sounds. The animal's fur was long and luxurious black with some silver and auburn mixed in. His distinct markings were auburn shimmer of his tail-fur, ears and paws, while the back was peppered with silver. On his forehead the wolf was marked with a silver bolt that was almost invisible among the fur.

He jumped across the creek, nimbly dodging the sharp thorns of the bush on the way and vanishing into the forest soundlessly like ghost**.**

This was… freedom.

And he intended to take it with the biggest measure imaginable, to calm the yearning in his wild heart – yearning after his old pack – the Wolf, the Dog, and the Twins and Bushy Fox, and Silver Swallow –

They were torn asunder, war and death and fate scattering them to the four winds, as suddenly as an early winter gale from mountain would autumn leaves on the same tree. Now, he was running alone, into the darkness with no companion at his side, even if he heard the calls of the Inuzuka _ninken _to come to them, to join with them – but he was always somewhat of a lone wolf, and even his previous pack had to go through many trials to be trusted enough to get the privileged title of his pack mates.

The pale moon was shining on the dark, sky, shadowing the stars that were, ironically enough, the same as those on his world.

When he danced between the trees, nimble paws barely reaching the ground, he remembered.

And he wondered – were they still running on the full moon nights like he did?

Were they still remembering?

Later on, he would return to his new pack – to the Kitsune Gaki, to the Dark One, to the Ravens and the others – the Soulless One and many, many others.

Later on, he would shift into a two-leg again, and tug the Dark One with him onto the futon – really, the Dark One was overworked as it was and he intended to have some stern words with the Old Monkey.

But for now, he would chase Crumple-Horned Snorkacks and have his fill of memories.

And he howled toward the sky, a sound so gentle and terrible and calling the Old Pack, hopelessly beckoning their shadows to run with him once again, the sound so sad and lonely that it broke the hearts of listeners.

* * *

**240) Family**

Naruto tilted his head on the side cutely. Well, it would be termed as cute, if he wasn't saddled with the moniker of being a _bakemono gaki._ The teacher was speaking about a family – how it was a group that had Mommy and Daddy and kids, with an animal or two, and Grandma and Grandpa too, and maybe some uncles and Aunties.

Now, the chibi was confused. Hokage-ojii was his Ojiisan, and his wife, Naruto supposed, should have been his Baachan, but for some reason this didn't sit well with him. He often saw Hokage-oji, but not his wife.

As for siblings… he beamed at the thought of Ita-nii and Shi-nii. They were the awesomest older brothers in the world! But instantly, his face soured at the thought of Konohamaru. As much as he enjoyed being nii-san, Naruto could deal without the nuisance that was the Hokage's grandson. He would have liked to have Sakura-chan for his sister - Naruto immediately blushed at that thought, but then he couldn't marry her! Oh, the horrors!

Okay, Sakura-chan was just fine where she was. And secretly, Naruto's ears hurt when she was screaming at him. And those bonks he somehow always got when he asked her out were big owies, too…

No, what confused Naruto was Danzo-oji and Harry. If he really tried – and he meant really really tried, he could place Danzo as his Chichi-ue, although the man alternated between being his father and his just plain crazy Uncle. Naruto was still wary of the man, mostly because of Hokage-ojii's warnings, but if Harry liked the man, Danzo-ojii couldn't be _that _bad, could it?

He scratched his head, pondering the latest mystery. He left it alone after a while because his head began to hurt from all the thinking he was doing on the subject.

And Harry? Naruto bit his lip thoughtfully. Harry was his… okaasan? Well, the green-eyed man did take care of him like a mother would, but he was a boy, and not a girl, like most mommies were. And he still hadn't made a baby, even if he and Danzo-ojii were trying very hard.

Naruto's shoulders slumped. Poor Harry. It must have hurt him, seeing all the other mommies walking around with their babies and him having none of his own. However, Harry didn't seem sad… at least not much. But now he had Naruto – and the aforementioned kitsune chibi puffed out his cheeks in determination – and Naruto would make sure he was the bestest son ever and ever and _ever!_

… Although he could've done without Tora as their house pet.

The cat was pure evil.

"Well kids, now you will draw your family!" Akiko, the Chuunin in charge of the kids**,** announced cheerfully.

Naruto nodded with determination and**,** snatching black crayon, he began to draw.

/*/

…."What in all that's holy is this?" Miaka asked carefully as she looked at Naruto's latest masterpiece.

Naruto beamed. "My family!" He told her proudly. "See, this is Hokage-ojii, this is Danzo-ue, and these are my big brothers, Ita-nii and Shi-nii!" He proudly pointed at the mentioned blobs of colors.

Miaka swallowed carefully so as not to laugh at the chibi. "These are Tora-baka and Konohamaru-baka – " Naruto pointed at two distinct blobs – one with triangles on its head and one withan absurdly long blue scarf around his neck - "And this is our Harry-mommy!"

Miaka choked with shock, and**,** after it passed, she guffawed with laughter.

She had to tell that little tidbit to her ROOT colleagues ASAP.

/*/

When Harry found out this little bit of information, it was already too late. Not even a stinging hex or two would deter some of more daring ROOT ANBU from calling him Harry-mommy; Sai was especially persistent in that endeavor.

"I am Midori-nii, gaki." He finally said to the confused and pouting chibi. "But! You feed me, help me dress, an' you play with me!" Naruto protested. "You are my mommy!"

"Mommies are female!" Harry began to despair. Naruto was stubborn on this, and Harry was at his wits end. Naruto tilted his head, looking like a confused kitsune cub for all he was worth. Some females in the background aww'ed at the cute picture.

"Who said you have to be a girl to be a mommy?" Naruto asked.

Harry was poleaxed.

"Who indeed?" He murmured dryly to himself as he rubbed his nose bridge tiredly.

Still, he somehow managed to convince – ahem, bribe the chibi with a plethora of ramen - to call him Midori-nii.

/*/

What finally pulled the chibi from the dark side of calling Harry a mommy was Danzo's argument.

He told the pouting chibi that Harry was a special mommy, and thus, deserved a special name to be called so nobody would try to take him away from Naruto.

And that was that.

The picture, however, got a place of honor in ROOT ANBU's headquarters, and the ANBU enjoyed Danzo's twitching eyebrow every time he had to get past it.

* * *

**241) Makai Tenjou**

"_Om, ma ni ha setsu…"_ Someone growled cutely, somewhere up in the rafters. Blue eyes glinted wickedly as the menace made a hand sign, a feral grin on his lips –

"_**MAKAI TENJOU!"**_ The past phrase was bellowed out, and the victim had no time to get out ofthe way of the avalanche of toilet paper he was buried under.

Mizuki twitched. Here he was, having a prettiful day – was prettiful even a word? – Meh, whatever, and then, the fox brat used him as a target for one of his hare-brained pranks. Eyebrow twitching, he inhaled and –

"UZUMAKI NARUTO! STOP FOOLING AROUND WITH YOUR HALF-ASSED MOCKERY OF JUTSU AND GET DOWN HERE!"

His voice boomed out, scaring the bejesus out of the civilians and students alike.

When Harry received the notice about Naruto's newest… experiment, he sighed and rubbed his temple.

"Naruto, no more watching _Saiyuki_ for you."

Naruto wilted.

* * *

**242) Foreign**

The only thing that could give Harry away as a foreigner to the Elemental Lands was… his writing. Sure, he could read kanji, however, he couldn't, for the life of him, write the dratted language.

Danzo twitched as he received yet another message in a foreign language that even his best men couldn't decipher. This had to end.

He stalked out of his secret base with a purpose in his step.

Harry was just blissfully unaware of the chaos he had caused to the ROOT's esteemed leader with his little love notes.

**_/To Be Continued/_**


End file.
